The Rolls-Royce Cullinan will be the hero of every parking lot. Even the sort of underwhelming grocery store parking lots, the kind that make you go, “wait, why is that here?” But if you want the peasantry’s next question to be “and who the hell would make it look like that?” then surely you need the Rolls-Royce Cullinan configurator.

The Rolls-Royce Cullinan, the first ever Rolls SUV, launched a little while back, and the weirdly buggy Rolls-Royce website finally has the Cullinan configurator up.

As you can obviously see, I’ve gone with a bit of a Space Jam theme. As we approach this, the 22nd year of a universe in which the illustrious Space Jam exists, I thought it only fitting that vast multitudes of Rolls-Royce Cullinan owners would take inspiration from such a splendid piece of cinema.

Advertisement

I’ve got the big comfy captains chairs in the back, complete with curtains. Because this thing is the size of a house, and a house is not complete without a proper set of curtains. I’ve also got the smoker’s package, as His Airness himself is known to be a cigar aficionado, even going so far as to be featured in an issue of Cigar Aficionado. Really.

The seats are purple and teal (or as Rolls-Royce calls it, “turchese”) both because those are the most supreme 1990s colors, and also because the configurator wouldn’t allow bright neon green as an accent color for the purple. I’m sure that can be configured if you pick up the phone, however.

The Spirit of Ecstasy hood ornament is gold, in celebration of the Tunes’ win over the Monstars. The hood is stainless steel, because on a Cullinan it is garish and tacky.

Advertisement

My one regret is that I could only get the Spirit of Ecstasy embossed on the doors, and not Tweety Bird.

Come on and slam, and post your Rolls-Royce Cullinan configuration below.