Photo: Porsche

The Porsche Mission E Cross Turismo is an insult to everything I hold sacred. It is the quintessential compromise car: efficient, cool-looking, fast, multi-terrain capable... hmm, suddenly I’m in danger of talking myself into liking it.

Yes, Porsche’s big reveal of the 2018 Geneva Motor Show is an electric crossover designed to appeal to affluent urban youths who zip around glass-and-chrome skyscrapers at night, go to cool bars later at night and then go stand-up paddle boarding with their adorable dog the next day. The subtext of Porsche’s press release seems to be that driving itself is secondary here. That’s a special kind of poison in the coffee cups of leather-jacketed air-cooled evangelists standing around talking about purity and paying way too much for clapped out 912s. In other words, the “Porsche fanbase”.

But oh well. As strange as I feel saying this, the Mission E Cross Turismo looks really neat so I’m willing to give it a chance.

I mean come on, if we’re going to be shipped around in soulless anonopods they might as well have the face of an Alpine 110. That’s what I see, by the way, not so much the 911 as Porsche’s media materials suggest. Though maybe I haven’t been looking closely enough at the 911 lately.

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The Mission E Turismo is about 195 inches long, a massive 78 inches wide and about 56 inches tall. Inside, the seats fold every which way to accommodate aforementioned dog and splashy board while the controls are loaded with app integration and trick eye movement-following displays.

As for propulsion, Porsche posits that:

Two permanent magnet synchronous motors (PSM) with a system output of more than 600 horsepower (440 kW) allow the Mission E Cross Turismo to accelerate to 100 km/h in less than 3.5 seconds and to reach a speed of 200 km/h in under 12 seconds. Furthermore, the level of continuous power is unmatched by any other electric vehicle: multiple accelerations are possible in direct succession without loss of performance. Power is guaranteed on any surface thanks to on-demand all-wheel drive with Porsche Torque Vectoring, which automatically distributes torque to individual wheels.

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The energy to make that excitement happen comes from a lithium-ion battery that can be charged in just over 15 minutes and carry the car “around 250 miles”.

The electrified Turismo is also supposed to have all-wheel steering and adaptive air suspension that can add two inches of ground clearance at will.

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Of course, it’s hard to know which of those numbers and acronyms are worth giving a shit about because the Porsche Mission E Cross Turismo is a concept car. The first words of Porsche’s press release are: “With the Mission E Cross Turismo, Porsche will be unveiling the concept study of an electrically driven Cross Utility Vehicle (CUV) at the Geneva Motor Show.”

Is this something the car will build? Are those specs realistic? Who knows! It’s Porsche’s world, we’re just living it. And I’m sure plenty of us will shell out heaps of bitcoin or bottlecaps or whatever we’re paying with if and when some variant of this thing comes out.

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I’m hoping we learn a little more about it as the 2018 Geneva Motor Show goes on.