The Porsche Cayman R Doesn't Deserve Your Misplaced Guilt

The Cayman R is a true automotive delight that lets you get away with feeling like a total hooligan even at parking lot speeds—so much so that Mr. Regular feels guilty about it. It’s so good that it whisked him away to another world, free of self-consciousness and woe. But that’s what cars should do. There’s nothing to feel guilty about here.

This is one of the most track-ready modern Porsches ever created, and this example is exactly the sort of thing anyone should be jealous of. The base car underneath Fabspeed’s list of mods had 330 horsepower from the factory out of a naturally aspirated mid-mounted 3.4-liter flat-six engine mated to a six-speed manual transmission as God intended track-toy Porsches to have.

I am jealous of this car. I am intensely jealous. This is one of the best handling cars out there, and the car’s owner John, who works on all manner of exotic machinery at Fabspeed, even says that it’s the best handling car he’s ever driven.

If you live for sideways G forces on twisty roads and race courses, driving a Cayman R is living the the dream. Yet somehow, Mr. Regular feels some weird guilt about this kind of thing, primarily because of the image a Porsche gives off.


People assume you are successful when you drive a Porsche. While lower-volume special editions hold their value considerably better than the base-model Cayman Mr. Regular cites in the video, the image projected by the Porsche crest is real.

I’ve even noticed it while driving the 924S I’ve been keeping for a friend. The 924S was a four-figure Craigslist purchase, yet it still elicits all manner of “what’s that?” and “nice car!” It’s a weirdo. An exotic. People mistake you for someone who has their crap together.

Do not feel guilt in angering or disappointing vain people who make silly assumptions based on your car, especially if they’re the caricature Mr. Regular cites of an older gentleman. That generation set up a world where young people graduate with crushing student loan debt into a world that sees fit to pay you in “experience.” They have the power—they have the money, and they actually show up to vote en masse. They could probably even have a Cayman R if they wanted one. They do not deserve any faked “wins.”

Any older yahoo who is still immature enough to want to race on public roads deserves the most crushing blow of them all: zero attention given, because you’re too busy enjoying a good Porsche (and also because street racing is very dumb).


Instead of feeling any kind of misguided guilt about the crest on the Cayman R’s frunk, you must extend the good feelings that the Cayman R brings you into the rest of your life—and forget the haters.

Drive what you love, and use it as a springboard to discover a little self-confidence. Never base your self-worth on what other people think. After all, anyone who is quick to make a snap-judgement on you as a person based on a car isn’t worth keeping around, anyway.

Moderator, OppositeLock. Former Staff Writer, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.

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As a 20-something year old who drives a Cayman S, I totally get what he’s saying. People judge hardcore and despite me loving every minute of my car, there’s a part of me that feels bad about the perception people have of me in it.