The Official Unofficial Knight Rider Live-Blog

Illustration for article titled The Official Unofficial Knight Rider Live-Blog

Tonight's the first episode — err — part of the Knight Rider movie/mini-series/season, and we'll be live-blogging it live on NBC starting in a few minutes from the comfort of the Jalopnik world headquarters. So keep track of the Knight Rider tag to keep track of all of the Mustang-filled action all evening and keep track of the full live-blog between Hardigree and I after the jump:

9:08:09 PM Hardigree: "Looks like homeboy is having cardiac arrest"
9:08:14 PM Wert: ha!
9:08:57 PM Hardigree: uhhh... chicks in surfboards
9:09:11 PM Hardigree: this is more the sequel to TKR than KR
9:09:19 PM Wert: TKR?
9:09:40 PM Wert: lesbians?
9:09:41 PM Hardigree: team knight rider
9:09:44 PM Wert: Ha!
9:09:44 PM Hardigree: LESBIANS!
9:09:50 PM Hardigree: surf lesbians

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9:09:52 PM Wert: HA!
9:09:57 PM Hardigree: crime fighting surf lesbians
9:10:09 PM Wert: Excellent, this IM will be the live-blog
9:10:18 PM Hardigree: it only took 9 minutes for them to jump the shark
9:10:42 PM Hardigree: "Holy shit, a black man in a library at stanford. He must be dangerous!"
9:11:25 PM Wert: Nice...umm...roadster?
9:11:41 PM Hardigree: they're getting investments to rebuild a Cobra?
9:11:50 PM Hardigree: is this unique performance all over again?
9:12:44 PM Wert: The good ol' Gunther building trick
9:13:18 PM Wert: Brought to you by the star of the show...the Ford Mustang!
9:15:58 PM Wert: How exciting is this?
9:16:22 PM Hardigree: Win a GT500
9:16:28 PM Hardigree: Can't drive a stick? Neither can they.
9:17:22 PM Hardigree: First continuity error, it looks like the window was down and then up
9:17:36 PM Hardigree: This is for fans of the wire
9:17:38 PM Hardigree: BNBG
9:17:49 PM Wert: BNBG?
9:17:57 PM Hardigree: gotta be a wire fan to get it
9:18:12 PM Wert: Apparently as you just lost me at hello
9:18:20 PM Wert: Val Kilmer sounds fat
9:18:24 PM Hardigree: yeah
9:18:38 PM Hardigree: Is KITT programed in tune with Isaac Asimov's three robot laws?
9:18:44 PM Hardigree: because he should have just run over them
9:18:48 PM Wert: Who wins in a race — a Ford Mustang GT or a Ford Edge?
9:18:58 PM Wert: I mean, who doesn't like to live on the Edge-uh?
9:19:00 PM Hardigree: i don't know, the edge might have SYNC
9:19:06 PM Wert: Oooh, so it might talk too
9:20:42 PM Wert: So so far we have lesbians, an Edge trailing a Mustang GT and Mike Knight getting a gatt drawn on his friend. Oh and Val Kilmer sounds fat.
9:20:46 PM Wert: Am I missing anything?
9:20:57 PM Hardigree: they're about to hit a focus
9:20:59 PM Wert: And yes, a Ford Foucs!
9:21:05 PM Hardigree: this is like VIPER
9:21:07 PM Wert: ha!
9:21:09 PM Hardigree: every car is a ford
9:21:16 PM Hardigree: land rover
9:21:21 PM Wert: Rover!
9:21:39 PM Wert: Passenger Impact Safety Test?
9:21:41 PM Hardigree: "This Isn't Fun At All"
9:21:42 PM Wert: Complete
9:21:47 PM Wert: I'd agree with that statement
9:21:50 PM Hardigree: there is the show's motto
9:21:55 PM Hardigree: the same land rover
9:22:10 PM Hardigree: Mazda5?
9:22:18 PM Hardigree: fusion
9:22:27 PM Wert: Is there any other automaker?
9:22:30 PM Hardigree: He does follow Asimov's three laws
9:22:31 PM Wert: No
9:22:31 PM Hardigree: Volvo
9:22:32 PM Wert: Fusion!
9:22:40 PM Wert: Volvo!
9:23:10 PM Wert: How many minutes between Ford commercials we think?
9:23:52 PM Hardigree33: you're sort of implying that this isn't just one long ford commercial with the occasional Loreal commercial
9:24:37 PM Hardigree33: Who is crazier? Michael Knight or Ann Curry?
9:25:29 PM Wert: Wait — a VW commercial?
9:25:38 PM Wert: I want to know if that's against the rules?
9:25:40 PM Hardigree33: VEEDUB!
9:25:48 PM Hardigree33: destroying a focus, btw
9:26:27 PM Wert: Wait, a mitsubishi commercial?
9:26:36 PM Wert: Are they whoring themselves out?
9:26:42 PM Wert: Wait — this is NBC, right?
9:27:13 PM Wert: KITT, I could kill you!
9:27:15 PM Wert: Me too
9:27:40 PM Wert: Oh look, it turned into...
9:27:43 PM Wert: ANOTHER Mustang!
9:28:25 PM Hardigree33: They'll never suspect it
9:28:35 PM Wert: KITT, you are MY father.
9:30:10 PM Wert: Maybe they could use Sync to track KITT!
9:30:32 PM Hardigree33: "I hate heterosexual men"
9:30:56 PM Wert: Who doesn't?
9:31:28 PM Wert: Profiler software is a new Sync upgrade
9:31:47 PM Wert: ANOTHER MustanG!
9:31:58 PM Wert: KITT is a master of disguise!
9:32:15 PM Hardigree33: Who is the target audience for this show?
9:32:32 PM Wert: Good question
9:32:38 PM Wert: Sweet, ANOTHER Ford commercial
9:34:09 PM Hardigree33: Anyone not enjoying this can go watch Turkish Knight Rider
9:34:10 PM Hardigree33: http://jalopnik.com/tag/gitt/
9:34:25 PM Wert: And seriously, how hot is that?
9:35:44 PM Hardigree33: I think everyone watching this show is The Biggest Loser
9:35:58 PM Hardigree33: wait, I take it back, Dennis Miller is the biggest loser
9:36:50 PM Hardigree33: "Play Artist Jewel"
9:37:06 PM Wert: "Play Artist Mustang Sally"
9:37:12 PM Wert: "Play Artist Toby Keith"
9:37:33 PM Wert: That would have been "Play Song Mustang Sally", btw
9:37:40 PM Wert: Except you can't do that with Sync
9:37:51 PM Wert: No "Play Song" feature
9:38:03 PM Wert: Yes, this show does...SUCK
9:38:11 PM Hardigree33: "Don't call my escorts whores, Michael"
9:38:48 PM Wert: "Dial Mike Tracer"
9:39:14 PM Hardigree33: I don't know, there's a rerun of Girlfriends on the CW
9:39:33 PM Wert: Check out those cobras
9:39:39 PM Wert: Hot detail shots
9:40:01 PM Wert: And the communicator uses Sync with bluetooth
9:40:09 PM Hardigree33: and the cops drive a Ford Escape Hybrid?
9:40:22 PM Wert: Don't all cops drive a Ford Escape Hybrid
9:40:25 PM Wert: ?
9:40:38 PM Hardigree33: What, they couldn't get Chris Cooper?
9:41:03 PM Wert: Is KITT in Vegas for SEMA?
9:41:16 PM Wert: Does he want some sweet carbon fiber appliques for his hood?
9:41:46 PM Hardigree33: "But the cards are hot, I can't go"
9:42:00 PM Wert: "But the cards are hotter than you, I can't go"
9:42:34 PM Hardigree33: Wow, the security at this hotel suck
9:42:38 PM Wert: If the bad guys had the face profiler option for Sync, they'd be able to easily determine who Mike is.
9:42:47 PM Wert: Totally teh suck
9:45:12 PM Hardigree: Tina Fey is hosting SNL this weekend
9:45:23 PM Hardigree: so that makes... one program on NBC worth watching
9:45:31 PM Wert: Ding! Ding! Ding!
9:45:37 PM Wert: Tina Fey = teh hotness
9:45:44 PM Wert: I want Tina Fey inside of me.
9:45:56 PM Hardigree: totally
9:46:07 PM Hardigree: btw,Duke is losing to Wake Forest with 3 minutes to go
9:47:24 PM Hardigree: for those keeping track at home, they're the only team in a big 6 conference with no conference loses
9:47:37 PM Wert: Still not as good as Michigan State
9:48:18 PM Wert: Yo, this Brit dude's pretty good
9:48:28 PM Wert: Except not when he's getting kicked in the no-no spot
9:48:48 PM Hardigree: this brit dude is horrbile
9:48:54 PM Wert: He's awesome
9:48:58 PM Wert: "Nice ride!"
9:49:03 PM Hardigree: he's like Clive Owen's retarded half-brother
9:49:10 PM Wert: Sure — if you like going in a straight line and never turning
9:49:30 PM Wert: He's going to put sugar in Val's gas tank.
9:50:16 PM Wert: What is "chollo?"
9:50:20 PM Hardigree: Latin gansta
9:50:22 PM Hardigree: that's racist
9:50:24 PM Wert: Is that some weird way of saying purple?
9:51:12 PM Wert: Mike's driving a Fusion?
9:51:16 PM Wert: Sorry, Focus
9:51:23 PM Wert: Woodward?
9:51:37 PM Wert: It's a "Focus"
9:52:01 PM Hardigree: he morphs into Chollo
9:52:08 PM Wert: I would have no programmed response for Mike driving a Focus either.
9:52:14 PM Wert: Mike FTL!
9:52:32 PM Wert: Denton hates this Edge commercial
9:53:53 PM Hardigree: i actually like that one
9:54:08 PM Wert: Denton thinks it is false advertising
9:54:10 PM Hardigree: not to disagree with our good looking, smart, check-not-bouncing boss
9:54:16 PM Wert: No Brooklyn hipster's gonna drive an Edge
9:54:47 PM Hardigree: feh
9:54:58 PM Wert: I heart the case girls from Deal or no Deal
9:55:16 PM Hardigree: I heart howie mandell
9:55:39 PM Hardigree: Wow, this is stupid
9:55:52 PM Hardigree: unnecessary plot twist FTW!
9:57:08 PM Wert: Blackrock?
9:57:11 PM Wert: Blackriver?
9:57:14 PM Hardigree: holy shit, is this taking down blackwater?
9:57:17 PM Wert: Blackstone?
9:57:22 PM Wert: Blackwater?
9:57:27 PM Wert: Black is back?
9:57:44 PM Hardigree: who knew that KR was going to make geopolitical commentary
9:58:15 PM Wert: Wait, buying a Focus isn't geopolitical commentary?
9:58:28 PM Wert: "Val, shut up?"
9:58:53 PM Wert: KITT's following them...
9:59:48 PM Hardigree: haha, the bad guys buy chevy
9:59:51 PM Hardigree: go figure
9:59:58 PM Wert: Second unnecessary plot twist
10:00:06 PM Wert: Maybe the Ford money ran out after the first hour
10:00:21 PM Wert: Turbo Boost?
10:00:23 PM Wert: Please?
10:00:25 PM Wert: Nope.
10:00:26 PM Wert: Sad.
10:01:56 PM Wert: Maybe he should have been using Sync
10:03:43 PM Wert: I already had an interactive driving tour of KITT.
10:03:55 PM Wert: Charlie over at io9 says she's never seen Turkish Knight Rider
10:04:04 PM Hardigree: Charlie is missing out
10:04:07 PM Wert: Charlie
10:04:14 PM Wert: Charlie's TOTALLY missing out.
10:06:00 PM Hardigree: Duke, which was 10-0 in the ACC just lost to a team that was 5-5
10:06:03 PM Hardigree: wow
10:06:29 PM Wert: Well, what do you expect — they have a team named after a Corvette
10:06:47 PM Hardigree: The ZR-1s?
10:07:03 PM Wert: The Blue Devils
10:07:05 PM Wert: Ha!
10:07:07 PM Wert: Ha!
10:07:08 PM Wert: Ha.
10:07:12 PM Wert: Or something.
10:07:22 PM Wert: Just fucking pretend it was funny, k?
10:08:10 PM Hardigree: like the people at Ford behind getting involved with this?
10:08:25 PM Hardigree: Me and Mike Traucer have something in comon
10:08:42 PM Hardigree: "Ray... I mean KITT... pull over the car"
10:08:54 PM Wert: Hey, Alan Hall called
10:09:01 PM Hardigree: haha, shit
10:09:03 PM Hardigree: what did he say?
10:09:17 PM Wert: He just watched it all on the corporate jet coming back from the Daytona 500
10:09:37 PM Wert: A Fusion did not win, that's sad.
10:09:45 PM Hardigree: boo
10:09:54 PM Wert: We're all very proud of their effort.
10:10:08 PM Hardigree: wtf is that?
10:10:16 PM Hardigree: is that a ute?
10:10:19 PM Hardigree: chero?
10:10:41 PM Wert: Was that a ranchero?
10:11:08 PM Wert: yes, Hall just said it IS a ranchero — Ford PR is now giving us official confirmation —
10:11:11 PM Wert: Actually he'
10:11:13 PM Wert: s not sure
10:11:36 PM Hardigree: Also, did they just hate on the future hydrogen economy?
10:11:45 PM Wert: The solar hybrid is part of Ford's long-term engine product plan.
10:11:48 PM Hardigree: take that fuel cell equinox
10:11:57 PM Wert: We don't need to live-blog Alan calling me though.
10:12:05 PM Hardigree: yeah
10:13:36 PM Hardigree: that's totally a ranchero
10:13:39 PM Hardigree: 10:10: VINTAGE RANCHERO! Jalopnik will be pleased. 10:14:24 PM Wert: Yeah, I saw
10:14:33 PM Wert: KITT is upset
10:14:41 PM Wert: Who the hell loans someone a Focus?
10:14:42 PM Hardigree: "I can't do that Hal"
10:14:50 PM Wert: Also — did KITT just call the Focus a "her"?
10:15:01 PM Wert: Or did he just call the person who drives a Focus a "her"?
10:15:33 PM Hardigree: hey, Mike Tracier
10:15:36 PM Hardigree: Tracer, get it
10:15:47 PM Hardigree: Focus/Escort/Tracer
10:16:05 PM Wert: Ha. Ha. Ha.
10:16:13 PM Wert: You....slay....me...
10:20:00 PM Wert: Her fuck-friend is named "Brock"?
10:21:20 PM Hardigree: btw, if he'd have been reading a blog instead of a magazine he might still be alive
10:23:59 PM Wert: Hey look, it went to a Wendy's commercial — not a Ford one!
10:24:03 PM Wert: Wendy's FTW!
10:24:14 PM Wert: Something smells fishy to me!
10:24:40 PM Hardigree: you realize you put the convo with alan hall up
10:24:54 PM Wert: Yes
10:24:58 PM Wert: It was funny
10:25:07 PM Wert: Never cut the funny, that's what Spinelli always tells me
10:25:10 PM Wert: Never.
10:25:12 PM Wert: Cut.
10:25:13 PM Wert: The.
10:25:28 PM Wert: Funny
10:25:43 PM Wert: .
10:25:52 PM Hardigree: You know who'd have made a great Mike traucer?
10:25:58 PM Hardigree: Mark Fields
10:26:01 PM Wert: How do we spell his name?
10:26:01 PM Hardigree: he had the hair
10:26:04 PM Wert: Oh totally
10:26:11 PM Hardigree: Traucer, I think
10:26:19 PM Wert: The mullet woulda made a helluva Mike Traucer
10:26:25 PM Wert: Sounds vaguely French to me.
10:16:36 PM Hardigree: I wonder if the sheriff is sheriff sunfire
10:17:42 PM Wert: Is Owen taking time off from his time spent in the crazy-house?
10:18:57 PM Wert: Use KITT's Sync system?
10:19:18 PM Wert: "KITT — Play Artist Lamegasm"
10:25:52 PM Hardigree: You know who'd have made a great Mike traucer?
10:25:58 PM Hardigree: Mark Fields
10:26:01 PM Wert: How do we spell his name?
10:26:01 PM Hardigree: he had the hair
10:26:04 PM Wert: Oh totally
10:26:11 PM Hardigree: Traucer, I think
10:26:19 PM Wert: The mullet woulda made a helluva Mike Traucer
10:26:25 PM Wert: Sounds vaguely French to me.
10:27:16 PM Hardigree: Actually, gotta give Ford credit. They found a show and a script that both appeals to people with bad taste and will be watched, ironically, by people who think they have good taste
10:27:47 PM Wert: Ooh, that may win Commenter Of The Show
10:27:51 PM Wert: Or C.O.T.S.
10:28:22 PM Wert: Dude, he almost got shot by his mom
10:28:33 PM Hardigree: it's like the sarah conner chronicles
10:28:34 PM Wert: How are they all going to fit?
10:28:41 PM Wert: There's NO BACK SEAT!
10:29:07 PM Wert: Another KITT, in another place...
10:29:23 PM Wert: You may know his father...
10:29:28 PM Wert: ...he loves cheeseburgers.
10:30:49 PM Wert: Manually???
10:30:53 PM Wert: Drive KITT Manually????
10:30:55 PM Wert: Oh noes!
10:31:10 PM Hardigree: that's gonna suck
10:31:15 PM Hardigree: who didn't see that one coing
10:31:47 PM Wert: No Mom, don't die!!!
10:31:50 PM Wert: NOOOOO!!!!
10:33:30 PM Wert: oooh, she's a hottie
10:33:55 PM Hardigree: "I'd like to ride in you"
10:34:02 PM Wert: Way too hot to be in a Focus.
10:34:16 PM Wert: KITT is such a cock-block.
10:36:18 PM Hardigree: i'd point out that my fiance has now fallen asleep
10:36:22 PM Hardigree: on the coach
10:36:23 PM Hardigree: couch
10:36:33 PM Hardigree: wow, that one vowel makes a big difference
10:36:43 PM Wert: As has the young lady sitting on the couch here.
10:37:35 PM Wert: How's Mike getting out of this one?
10:37:57 PM Wert: I guess that's how
10:38:20 PM Wert: "That's my father, I'm going with you!"
10:38:23 PM Hardigree: yeah, take the college professor and not the FBI agent
10:38:29 PM Hardigree: she's totally going to be the better shot
10:38:33 PM Wert: What the hell are the bad guys driving?
10:38:38 PM Wert: Is that a Chevy?
10:38:42 PM Wert: With no badging?
10:38:44 PM Hardigree: yeah
10:38:45 PM Hardigree: GMC
10:38:47 PM Hardigree: it was on earlier
10:38:54 PM Wert: Professional Bad Guy Grade
10:39:39 PM Wert: Mustang takes a hit and keeps on tickin'
10:39:46 PM Hardigree: yeah, this has gotten slightly better
10:39:46 PM Wert: Did I mention with ZERO damage?
10:39:51 PM Wert: Oh wait, the glass
10:40:21 PM Wert: Did he just shift with an imaginary stick?
10:40:23 PM Wert: And clutch?
10:40:35 PM Hardigree: is that thing on 24's?
10:40:41 PM Wert: Totally on 24's
10:42:41 PM Wert: Wow, KITT is "Ford Tough"
10:43:06 PM Wert: Wait — I can't believe I'm saying this —
10:43:11 PM Wert: Ford...For...The...Win?
10:43:44 PM Hardigree: and here's the segway into a series
10:44:35 PM Wert: Old man is the only one who survives? Seriously — how not-at-all-likely is that?
10:44:57 PM Hardigree: always wear your seatbelts kids
10:45:09 PM Wert: You're right — even when hacking Mustangs.
10:47:09 PM Hardigree: "The world is insane..."
10:47:16 PM Wert: Driving a Mustang is the definition of insanity?
10:47:19 PM Wert: Or sanity?
10:47:22 PM Wert: I'm confused.
10:48:03 PM Hardigree: "I can't help you, I don't believe in the same things... I don't believe in monogamy, I believe in hydrogen"
10:48:16 PM Wert: Is that a lincoln limo?
10:48:28 PM Wert: Lincoln: Reach Higher to the cemetary
10:48:46 PM Wert: I wonder if Pops makes it back in time to be late to the funeral.
10:49:04 PM Wert: CHEESEBURGER!!!
10:49:10 PM Wert: Robble! Robble!
10:50:26 PM Wert: That was the slowest drag race I've ever seen.
10:50:35 PM Wert: Did a Focus just beat a Mustang?
10:51:00 PM Hardigree: THE HOFF!
10:51:04 PM Wert: Hey Hardigree, you fall asleep over there?
10:51:05 PM Hardigree: I think it did
10:51:08 PM Hardigree: Focus, FTW!
10:51:08 PM Wert: Oh good, there you are.
10:53:32 PM Hardigree: HOFF, HIS HOFFNESS, THE HOFFMEIESTER
10:53:39 PM Wert: Touching.
10:53:45 PM Wert: Check out that mascara!
10:54:04 PM Wert: Damn he looks old
10:54:13 PM Wert: And fat.
10:54:48 PM Hardigree: I can't wait for Baywatch 3000
10:55:34 PM Wert: "I was that man..."
10:55:43 PM Wert: "...except I had an F-body Trans-Am..."
10:56:14 PM Wert: "Will I ever see you again?"
10:56:23 PM Wert: "I hope so...it all depends on what the network says."
10:56:23 PM Hardigree: "Let's see how we do in the demo"
10:57:50 PM Wert: And segue into the new show...
10:58:31 PM Wert: Gratuitous make-out...
10:58:35 PM Wert: Cue the theme
10:58:49 PM Wert: Hit the reverse turbo boost
10:58:58 PM Wert: Too bad Mike can't drive a stick
10:59:07 PM Wert: especially not backwards
10:59:21 PM Wert: Whoa! Nice upgrade from the trailer!
10:59:24 PM Hardigree: wow, a plane is so much better than a trailer
10:59:29 PM Wert: Seriously!
10:59:47 PM Wert: And that, folks, is that — hope you all enjoyed the show!
11:00:05 PM Hardigree: And if you did, I have same land in Florida for sale
11:00:43 PM Wert: Wait — so this was all a commercial for America's Got Talent? I'm so confused.
11:00:49 PM Wert: This movie has warped my fragile little mind.

DISCUSSION

@Ray Wert: If they took the old KITT apart to use parts, one assumes the computer/AI made it over since that would be the most difficult to replicate. And IF that's the case, why doesn't new KITT sound as snarky as old KITT?

Or maybe there are plans to bring old KITT back?

What bothers me the most - the molecular shell of old KITT was more than bulletproof and didn't require that the AI be turned on to work. It just worked. New KITT apparently needs the AI to do everything, including shift gears.

What was up with the lame clutch pedal and shifter appearance, too? Teh suck.

Multiple firewalls?! Please... A single good one is all you really need. Just provide some virtual honeypots behind it for the bad guys to play with while you watch them and adapt. "Resistance is futile!"

I digress... I understand that new KITT is a Mustang. However, unless they get the Ford product placements out of the show, it'll fail miserably as I refuse to watch.

And get rid of the girl, too. There's no need for the hero to have a long-term love interest. The hero can't be tied down unless it's for an obvious plot-driven weakness later in the series.

Where's Devon (yes, I know the Ed Mulhare is dead)? Where's Bonnie (I never cared for April)? Where's RC3?

Funny note: The guy that played RC3 on the original show also had a very bit part in Real Genius. The Knight Rider connection to Val Kilmer is very short, indeed.