This week we asked you what d-bags in your area drove and, lo and behold, we're nearing 300 SLR Guy-like responses. Using those comments we've attempted to divide them up into the following main categories, which we've mapped to show you where they're located across this great nation of ours: Euro Luxury Cars: The Euro luxury typically represents the upwardly mobile yuppie hoping to make it into an S-Class, but pushes a C-Class or 3-Series instead. Popular in the Northeast. Slammed Domestics: Popular in areas where people are unable to commit to the foreign car scene, a lowered and slammed 300C with chrome rims and tinted windows is a sign that a d-bag is riding inside. Jacked-Up Trucks: A catchall for most of rural America, the jacked-up and chrome-grilled full-sized pickup is the d-bag ride of choice for those out of the reach of cities or suburbs. Green Freaks: Though they live a life of consumption, these environmentally-minded dbags buy a hybrid Lexus instead of changing their behavior. Luxury Sport Utes: Whether for the nouveau riche, OC mom or a dentist on a ski vacation, nothing says d-bag like a Land Rover driver trying to order from the Starbucks drive-thru attendant while yapping on a Bluetooth headset. Fast And Furious Wannabes: Think a Neon with neons. Think Civics so low to the ground they spark. Think d-bags who spend all their money on paint and speakers and still run a completely stock D-series engine (the D is for Douche). Domestic Utes: For much of the country, the domestic ute represents a shift up from the soccer mom van or the lower-middle-management Mercury. For other areas, the Domestic Ute with big rims is the replacement for the slammed Caprice. Either way, be on the lookout. (Special note, this map represents the main vehicle choices for Douchebags in a general area. Be aware that d-bags in your region may also drive other vehicles. Always check with local authorities before travel.)
This is great, but gives the impression that douchebags cluster in enclaves of doughebaggery- douchebaghettos if you will.
The douche can be found everywhere in America and even in Canada! It's called Douchebagiquity.
It should be noted on the map that, in the great plains and Alaska, insufficient information exists to identify douchebag transportation preference, although it should be reinforced that they do exist in these regions.
The Alaska douche, noteworthy for the rear-facing bill cap pushing their parka hood backward and giving the impression of some sort of alien creature, are commonly known as Juneauchebags.
Midwestern douches may be identified by their seemingly unflagging love of parachute pants and mesh midriff-baring football shirts. Corn fed (meaning grain alcohol), these douches run free from the plains of Kansas (Topekassholes) to the steppes of the Dakotas (The rare Red River Valley douche).
So, be careful wherever you roam, douchebags are everywhere.