I just watched Baby Driver for the first time recently, and one of the problems in that movie is the cars aren’t bulletproof enough. Everyone would have had a much easier time if there were rolling around in the Mercedes-Maybach S 600 Pullman Guard. Now there’s a real armored car.

I’m not really sure how this example of grandiose perfection escaped my notice at first, but it has my attention now and that’s all that matters. It has complete class VR 9 ballistic protection in both transparent and non-transparent areas, which means that it can withstand 7.62 x 51mm rounds from an M60, M14 and FN-FAL. The rear window isn’t armored, but the car does have a steel bulkhead behind the seats that acts as a shield for the passengers’ heads.

The body uses “protective components of special steel [that] are integrated into the cavities between the body structure and the outer skin.” Additional components ensure maximum splinter protection; plates overlap in sensitive places to provide even more protection against bullets.

The glass, coated with polycarbonate along the inside to prevent splintering, is extra thick.

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Underneath, the Pullman Guard has ERV 2010 blast protection. Its underbody has floor armoring that helps it resist explosions, yet the vehicle’s survivability is unclear. Is it designed so that the just the occupants inside survive? The driver? Can the car keep moving after the explosion? These details are usually vague, though. Can’t go divulging these secrets; that’s how you get people learning how to beat the system.

All in all, the Pullman Guard weighs 5.1 tons. And because the doors are so heavy, they have motors in them to help passengers open and close them more easily. Extra features include sirens, flashing lamps, two-way radios, an emergency starter battery and a loudspeaker and microphone. These last two items are also handy for when you need to shout unpopular political rhetoric from the car as you drive by.

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It uses a twin-turbo V12 engine with a claimed output of 530 horsepower. The interior is covered in buttery, quilted leather and has back-facing seats as well, for all your business meetings that need protection from the local rebels.

The Pullman Guard comes to about €1.4 million ($1.6 million). All I can say is damn.

Okay, and now I’ll admit something shameful. Back in 2008, the last installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn, came out. I bought the book. I read it. Bite me.

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It started with Bella driving something called the “Mercedes Guardian,” which doesn’t exist. But what I figured out just now, after writing this post, was that the author, Stephenie Meyer, was actually referring to the Mercedes-Benz S 600 Guard from the mid- to later-2000s. Neat! It’s fun when things come full circle like that.

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