The Cars Of Big Speed Are Back

Illustration for article titled The Cars Of Big Speed Are Back

There is a four-wheeled creature which travels around the world inflicting its shouts upon the hills and dells of rural municipalities all over the globe. Right now they are shooting around the hills and forests near Monte Carlo shouting their tiny hearts out, zooming zooming zooming toward the horizon. They cry out because they are happy. These are the cars of big speed. They live and die for the feeling of rapidly crushing pavement, dirt, and snow. Do not fear them, for they are content and ready for more.

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These creatures have been captured on video in their natural habitat, rubbing their butts on the ground until sparks shoot out. Do not worry, this is natural and normal for their kind. They can be corralled by humans, but are perpetually yearning for a start line to be set free from.

These are smart beasts, for they are respectful and will rein in their speed when necessary, during segments of the road which have been deemed their slow zones. They’ll do it, but they won’t be particularly happy about it, turning their happy screams into a low grumble. But when they get to a gate they will wait their turn to run off screaming into the woods.

Watch them woosh, screetch, and shout their way through the shakedown stages of Rallye Monte-Carlo. You will not regret having spent time watching these magnificent speed beasts. Enjoy, but do so from a safe distance.

Jalopnik contributor with a love for everything sketchy and eclectic.

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I was wondering if someone was going to pick up the racing coverage soon, you guys missed possibly the best Formula E race ever last weekend in Santiago. Seriously, look it up. It was wild and some of the best, most tense racing I’ve ever seen in any series.

This weekend is the Daytona 24hr, traditionally a Jalop fav, but now that Alanis is gone... :(

The weekend after that is the Bathurst 12hr, with IGTC sponsorship and nearly 50 GT3 entrants last I saw.