The Aznom Palladium Is What You Get If You Slather A Ram Truck In Money And Deep Insecurity

Image for article titled The Aznom Palladium Is What You Get If You Slather A Ram Truck In Money And Deep Insecurity
Screenshot: Aznom

It’s not that often I see a car with a limited run of ten copies and think “that’s probably too many,” but I have to hand it to the Aznom Palladium, a Ram 1500 sent to Italy to be tortured into something that looks kind of like a sedan obscenely bloated with massive amounts of expensive materials, casino-grade carpet, and deep, crippling insecurity.

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Screenshot: Aznom/RAM

The idea of taking a truck and sedanifying it is by no means new; Ford truck customizers Brazil has been doing this for decades, and the results were often oddly charming, like this F-1000 variant called the GB Fly:

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Screenshot: Ford Brazil

Even the idea of creating a lavish luxury car based on a truck platform isn’t new, either, with the original source likely being the incredibly opulent and unhinged Mohs cars, like the Ostentianne Opera Sedan:

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Screenshot: Autopaper

The luxo-brutes were built on International truck platforms and were crammed full of oriental rugs, ornate detailing and madness.

What I’m getting at here is that what Aznom is doing is, for all its overdone absurdity, not even really original. And they take themselves so seriously. Ugh, just get a load of this video they put out about all of the careful work and bespoke hand-crafted care and precious materials that go into making a Ram 1500 covered in ridiculous, wildly expensive bullshit:

The design, I think, is, um, troubled at best. It’s bloated and bulky-looking, a far cry from the “elegance” that the Aznom people in that video go on about. Compared to actually elegant sedans like a Lancia Aurelia or something like that, this thing is about as elegant as a mule choking on softball-sized wad of discarded waffle fries. Oh, but the mule is wearing a Hermès hat, with earholes cut out and bordered with 24K gold rings.

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Screenshot: Aznom

The illuminated grille at least adds a bit of drama to the front end, which may be the car’s best angle. Aznom has some close-ups of the front light units:

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Screenshot: Aznom
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...even though I’m pretty sure those are the stock RAM units with the lower part covered by that chrome bezel.

The rear, though, has the biggest issues:

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Screenshot: Aznom
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Yeesh. That weird, puckered tail with that big silvery whatever jammed in there just doesn’t feel right at all, even if the whole thing pulls out like a nifty drawer, sort of like the 1999 Marc Newson Ford 021C concept car:

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Screenshot: Aznom
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I mean, good luck getting anything out if you parallel park one of these 20-foot-long monsters in any kind of city, but I guess people who’d buy these would just demand someone else handle that kind of thing.

While I’m sure these designers and craftsmen are wildly talented, in the end you’re still stuck with a colossal idiotmobile that rides like a truck and has a big drawer at the back.

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I guess I don’t mind the drawer conceptually, and I kind of like the light-up grille and the fact that the thing actually has opera windows, like a ’75 Thunderbird.

There’s something about the interior that I find especially unsettling. It looks like how I’d imagine a very corrupt Vatican-based Cardinal who does all kinds of creepy sex stuff would decorate their living room:

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Screenshot: Aznom
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There’s something uncomfortably ecclesiastical about it all. I can’t quite pin it down, but I can absolutely state this does not look like an inviting space to be in.

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Screenshot: Aznom
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Sure, there’s a fridge in there, the control panel of which offers the option for “ignition,” which seems counter to a fridge’s raison d’etre, but what do I know, I’m some jackass who drives cheap shitboxes.

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Screenshot: Aznom
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It’s kind of incredible to see something trying this hard and with no expense spared to still end up being so unappealing.

At least it should probably move quickly, though; it uses a biturbo version of the 5.7-liter Hemi engine, which they claim will make 710 horsepower, and I see no reason to doubt that, because I’m most likely literally never going to see one of these monsters in person, and just can’t care.

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Here’s one nice thing about the Palladium, though:

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Screenshot: Aznom
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There’s only going to be ten of them. Pricing hasn’t been announced yet, but, again, that barely matters, because it’s going to be ridiculous whatever it is.

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Screenshot: Aznom
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So, yeah, rich people, if you want an Aznom Palladium, get those checkbooks ready. It’s the perfect car if you’ve always wanted the automotive equivalent of an insanely rich friend who takes you on eye-wateringly expensive vacations but makes you pay for it by talking them down every night in their hotel room from drunken, screaming breakdowns where they yell about how they don’t even know who they are anymore while throwing cash and jewelry off a hotel balcony.

If that’s you, enjoy!

DISCUSSION

By
Rivecchs

I don’t know why this is where I have an issue but - is there REALLY no center armrest in the back seat?!?!?!