The American People Now Own That Mail Bombing Suspect's Nutty Van

Illustration for article titled The American People Now Own That Mail Bombing Suspects Nutty Van

Perhaps you recall a few weeks back when the suspect alleged to have sent all those bombs to Trump-detractors in the mail was captured, and if you remember that, then you likely remember what he drove: exactly as you suspect, it was a white van plastered with crazy conspiracy shit. Well, guess what, American citizens! That’s our crazy-ass van now!

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Yes, according to the indictment of Cesar Sayoc, specifically the Forfeiture Allegation section, all of Sayoc’s assets, which includes his Dodge Ram Van, are now property of the U.S. Government, which means that, we, the American People, now collectively own a white lunatic van:

Illustration for article titled The American People Now Own That Mail Bombing Suspects Nutty Van
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As you can imagine, others have realized this already, and I expect that a national Who Gets The Van This Weekend list is being drafted as we speak.

Contact your local state representative to get your name on the list, I’d think.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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DISCUSSION

goat7
son of a motherless goat (PSA: wash your hooves)

Contact your local state representative to get your name on the list, I’d think.

I have a feeling the type of person who wants to drive this van already has their name on a list.