The 2004 Mercedes-Benz CLS Unleashed a Tidal Wave of Compromised Pretend Coupes

The CLS showed designers at BMW that they, too, could blend two vastly different segments to make a car nobody asked for. With this newfound power came newfound responsibility that BMW abused for years to come. In fact, BMW will show up on this list more than any other company.

The Passat CC (it lost the Passat name later) may be the closest thing to the CLS on this list, and the VW is important in its own way. The CC democratized four-door “coupe” styling. It started at less than half the price of a new CLS when it was introduced in 2008. Credit to VW designers: They saw something they liked and made it a people’s car.

This is an interesting case of a car company copying another company’s copy. Mercedes saw the success of the X6, a car I think is inspired by the CLS, and decided they wanted a piece of that pie too. That, my friends, is how we wound up with the GLE. I respect M-B a lot for this. They invented this mess, and then wanted a little bit more anyway.

I love the Acura ZDX. No, I will not be taking questions or telling you why. I like it. Leave me alone. I think it’s cool, okay? Acura perfected what BMW was doing with the X6. I even like the beak. Please, leave me be.

Like I said, you’re going to see a lot of BMW on this list. If there’s anything the Ultimate Driving Machine company loves, it’s occupying space in niche automotive segments. Underneath the GC is just a regular old 3-series, but this one has a hatch! How novel. It’s a four-door version of a two-door version of a four-door.

God damn. If there’s anything the Germans like doing, it’s copying each other. There was a time when the A7 was the CLS’s closest competitor. I suppose it technically still is, but when was the last time you saw a new CLS on the road? Exactly. This is a car for someone who can’t come to terms with the fact that they actually want a wagon.

This is actually a Mini underneath. It bears absolutely no relation to the reportedly wonderful, rear-wheel drive 2-Series coupe. It’s based on a front-wheel drive platform, and it’s ugly. At least it has pillarless doors.

This is the car that spawned the 2-Series GC. If that isn’t a strike against it, I don’t know what is. One thing in its favor is the CLA35 AMG. That thing is pretty cool.

No idea why you’d get this over just a regular Cayenne. I mean, I know why someone would, but it isn’t a good reason.

This one is a bit different than all the others in that it mixes three separate types of cars: coupe, hatchback and crossover. The C-HR does it well, actually, with strange styling that somehow works. You also have to respect that it’s the lone car on this list that isn’t very expensive. Points for that.

Man, oh man. BMW really is committing to the bit. The 8 Series Gran Coupe is basically an extra-large version of the 4 Series GC. But hey, at least you can get this one with a V8.

BMW may be the brand with the most cars on this list, but VW Group is putting up a good fight. The Urus is the most expensive car on the list, which is a feat in itself. It may also be the worst looking. The Urus somehow finds a way to make a practical car impractical with that sloping roofline.

This right here is a weird vehicle. There isn’t a regular Mercedes-Benz variant, and it seems to make the CLS redundant—it’s roughly the same sizes, looks similar and occupies nearly the same space as the CLS. But hey, I don’t run the car company. What do I know? One thing I know is that you don’t see very many new CLSes running around anymore.

BMW must have seen how much money the X6 was making them, and decided to make more. That’s how the X4 was born. It’s a lower entry point to the same sort of attitude the X6 gives off.

I’ll admit it, the current generation of Panamera doesn’t quite belong in this list, but the first generation certainly does. It copied what the CLS tried to do. It was a whale of a thing, but it was fast. The new one is much, much better. It’s always good to learn from your mistakes.

Much like what BMW did with the X3 and X4, Mercedes did with the regular GLC. They made it less practical and more expensive. I appreciate that sort of gumption. Not many automakers just go out and say, “here’s a worse car, give us more money!”

Last but not least is the now-dead 6 Series Gran Coupe. It was another example of BMW making a four-door version of a two-door version of a four-door car (the 5 series). I will admit the 6 Series Gran Coupe is very pretty, in my opinion. Other than the original CLS it may be the prettiest.