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Tesla Wants You To Sit in a Wet Dumpster While Your Car Charges

The company calls it a swimming pool, and I call that generous.

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I get it. It’s summer, and it’s far too hot out. The last thing you want is to sit in your hot Tesla while it charges, but you don’t want to use up too much of that incoming power on climate control. If only your local Supercharger had some kind of body of water nearby, like a beach or a lake where you could take a quick dip to escape the summer heat. Maybe even a pool.

Well, Tesla has you covered — sort of. Assuming you’re visiting one specific Supercharger location in Germany, and you’re open to sitting in a small pool with strangers. Also, if you’re cool with that pool just being a repainted dumpster full of water.

NEW Tesla Super Pool at German Seed&Greet Supercharger in Hilden (First Look)

I don’t want to come across as anti-pool here. I adored swimming pools growing up, and I still love them to this day. They keep all the best aspects of being at the beach (water you can go in), but omit all the worst ones (literally every other thing about being at the beach). What I’m saying is that sand is more than coarse, rough, and irritating — it is a pox from on high, from which pools are our only savior.


But this is no pool. Look at those corrugated sides, the ridge around the base. Look at the brackets on the bottom. This is a dumpster that someone cut in half and threw a hose into. Apparently it’s meant for four occupants, assuming there are four people who fit the cross section of “wealthy enough to own a Tesla” and “likes to sit in wet dumpsters.”


I’ll give Tesla credit — there does appear to be water circulating from the shallow side of the dumpster, and the video’s host makes mention of the pool being powered from the Supercharger site’s solar panels. Those factors likely mean that this tub of water is, at least to some degree, heated. That’s a must in any white-bottomed pool, where the sun’s rays aren’t absorbed into the floor to heat the whole body of water. A warm wet dumpster is better than a cold one, I guess.

I know I may sound like some sort of pool snob here, and I’m aware that Our Lord And Savior And Also Legal Parent Elon Musk can do no wrong in his genius ideation, but come on now. I don’t want to sit in the wet dumpster. You don’t want to sit in the wet dumpster. Why is there a wet dumpster?