Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Ten Dumbest Things We've Done In Cars

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

What is it about cars that encourage us to do stupid things? Don't do what these Jalopnik commenters have done.


10.) Microwaved A Lasagna

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

No seriously. Just let djmt1 tell you the story.

" Someone left a cigarette adapter plugged in, just bought a Microwave from Currys, McDonalds was closed but Tesco Express was open and I was Hungry and my sister had left a mountain of plastic cutlery from her M&S meals.

Needless to say I was eating in the car park as the Microwave had drained the battery so yeah I was stranded but more importantly I wasn't hungry."

Suggested By: djmt1, Photo Credit: Chris

9.) Eight People In A Focus ZX3

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

If I were Do-Rif-To's parent I wouldn't even be mad, just impressed. Actually, I'd probably be mad. When reading this, please remember that the Focus ZX3 is a 3-door.

" I crammed 8 teenagers into a 2001 Focus ZX3 and drove to Denny's at 1 in the morning for glorious $2 quesadillas. I took a humped intersection just a little bit too quickly for the load and BANGSSSSCCCRRAAAPPPPEEEECCCRRRUUNNCCCHHH!!Many heads hit the ceiling and all spines present were compressed. The car was good for the ride home, aside from the occasional fender rub, but in the morning it had gone dry on coolant. I knew nothing about fixing cars back then so I didn't find out exactly what the shop needed to replace but it was a hefty bill for an after-school dishwasher to handle."


Suggested By: Do-Rif-To, Photo Credit: Getty Images

8.) Rally Wannabe

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

With all due respect (and I mean, with all due respect) Loping Camshaft is a bit of a rally wannabe and just like any rally driver worth his salt, he crashed is car into a ditch on a dirt road.

"Leave friend's house after selling computer (money in hand, excited). Friend lives on nice, narrow, dirt road off main highway. Decided to take 2wd 4-cyl Ranger on a short rally course while listening to Pantera. Over-compensated for a dab of oppo on a 2-blind over crest. End up in neighbor's ditch, through fence. backed out and evacuated. Much repair. So deductible."


Suggested By: Loping Camshaft, Photo Credit: Tony Harrison

7.) "Yeah, I Meant To Do That"

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Good save, RazoE. Good save, and thanks for the diagram.

"Soon after getting my 1989 Supra, I pull up to a light to make a left turn and there's a "modified" tC waiting in the lane to the right. Once my left arrow turns green, I rev it up, and take the turn fast to "show off." Half-way through the turn, I slam it into second and the ass decides it wants to come out. I slide all the way around and ALMOST hit the curb on the opposite side. I say ALMOST because I stopped perfectly in the lane to turn right, where I promptly make a right turn and get out of there in one smooth move. I must have looked like the world's greatest stunt driver to that tC."


Suggested By: RazoE, Photo Credit: RazoE

6.) Dug A Hole In Fresh Pavement Doing A Burnout

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Burnouts! Everyone looks cool doing them, right? Not HammerheadFistpunch in this instance.

"I think my favorite was doing a burnout in a supercharger 454 suburban on a semi-recently redone street. I wasn't seeing a lot of tire smoke so I stopped, pulled forward and felt a bump. crap, must have broken something...nope I just dug 2 x 3-4 inch deep holes in the street. Well then, time to move on outta here."


Suggested By: HammerheadFistpunch, Photo Credit: Kārlis Dambrāns

5.) Parking Lot Football

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Unlike Turbolence88, we should probably leave full contact automotive sports to Top Gear.

" So you know how bored kids in middle/high school play that "tabletop football" game where you flick the triangle with your fingers and try to get it to come to rest on the edge of the desk?

Okay, now make the following substitutions:

- Replace the desk with a Wal-Mart parking lot

- Replace player 1's finger with my 97 Honda Accord

- Replace player 2's finger with an '00 Nissan Pathfinder

- Replace the paper football with a shopping cart

First to bring a cart to rest on the edge of the far sidewalk wins. My win record is 2-0."


Suggested By: Turbolence88, Photo Credit: BBC via YouTube

4.) Smashed Into A Cop Car Hooning

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

How charski got away with this one is well beyond me. Thank the gods of hooning, I suppose.

" When I was younger and stupider, my parents let me take the family daily driver to go to golf practice at the local course with the high school golf team. After spanking whitey practice I decided to invite 3 of my closest golf buddies to go with me to joy ride dad's 1974 two door manual Toyota Corolla, with all of it's 60 some odd horsepower.

I drove us out to some unpaved county road not far enough out of town to do some croissants (not enough umph for passengers AND donuts) and bootlegger turns (great e-brake on that thing). On the way out it had lightly rained, which, in conjunction with the leftover mud/dirt on the tires, greatly reduced traction enough that when I did a Scandy flick to the right on a paved road back toward town, the Corolla plowed on into the oncoming lane and I ended up t-boning a local police K-9 police car, replete with an excitedly barking German Shepard. The officer wasn't to happy either, especially when he couldn't give me the ticket I deserved (which should have been severe).

In the end, the State Patrol showed up, laughing at the local city officer, to give me a ticket for, wait for it...."Failure to Signal"! I don't remember using my signal, so it wasn't undeserved by any means (Just about any ticket would have been justified, what I did was idiotic).

Telling my dad what I had done crushes me to this day."

Suggested By: charski, Photo Credit: Getty Images

3.) Riding In An Unsecured Car, In A Trailer

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Just no. Don't do what KamikazePigeon did.

" We were late for a race with my electrathon (electric endurance racing) team in college a few years ago in the US. I was voluntold/deemed the smallest (and therefore safest) to ride along our unstrapped racecar inside the a flimsy trailer (rated to 45mph) to hold it in place as the team drove on a highway at 60-70mph because we didn't have time to fully strap it in.

My fellow teammates also thought it was funny to swerve during the entire ordeal.

The cops also stopped us because the driver (also team leader) was swerving. I'm also of Portuguese decent (with a darker tan at the time). Luckily, they didn't open the trailer to find a hunched-over tanned fellow hanging onto a racecar in a dark trailer amongst some luggage.

I'm also not American, but Canadian.

The more I think about it, the more idiotic, but hilarious that trip was."

Suggested By: KamikazePigeon, Photo Credit: Greg Burkett

2.) Doing 170 On A Public Road

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Unless you're on a runway or in a 2CV don't try to max out your car, especially if it's a GT-R like macanamera's.

"Closing an isolated road with cones for a 5 mile stretch so I could top speed my car, then actually doing it."


Suggested By: macanamera, Photo Credit: Carissa Rogers

1.) Let A Drunk Friend Drive

Illustration for article titled Ten Dumbest Things Weve Done In Cars

Drinking is fun. Driving is also fun. Combining the two is a death wish. Just listen to bonewilly's story and be glad they're alive to tell us.

" At 19 nearly died by letting Jerk friend convince/coerce me into believing he wasn't too buzzed to drive (he had brought me and anther friend to a club 30 miles from home, so walking back wasn't an option)

He actually drove normal for a couple miles in his mom's Dodge Aspen station wagon until 3 other young guys in a Ford Fairmont wagon tried to pass him. Down went Jerks' foot and we had an 8 mile ride of terror as he raced these clowns, running red lights and hitting over 100 in spots. My friend from the back seat said 'Fine! Stop already! You lost them! You can slow down now!' just as we crested a hill to find a Mustang stopped in our lane with a half-dozen deer crossing in front of them.

Jerk-boi slams the brakes on, slewing the car sideways and now across the lane, screaming at the Mustang folks for stopping in the middle of the road.

I looked out my window and had about ten seconds to watch the treetops light up, and the the headlights of the Fairmont dipping ever so slightly as they crested the same rise behind us.

We hadn't 'lost them.'

They slammed on their brakes and still plowed into the B-pillar of the Aspen, right at my elbow. As the passenger window was now open (I did that with my face in the impact) I released my seatbelt , scooped up my camera from the floor and scrambled across the bent up hood of the Ford and rolled off onto the ground.

I missed getting killed that night, but I almost missed out on all the cool stuff I never knew would be in my future. I would have missed the last five years of my Grandparents lives, and the last ten of my Dad's. I would have missed graduating college, getting a decent job and finding the coolest girl I ever met ( and later married)

All because I got into a car with a stupid, lying Jerkball who had me by the collar at one point shouting in my face that he was going kick my *ss if I didn't give him the keys to his moms' car and what an *ss-h**le I was to think HE was too messed up to drive.

I should have thrown his keys as far as I could and just started hitching"

Suggested By: bonewilly, Photo Credit: bonewilly

Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!


Top Photo Credit: Jalopnik

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



I am not proud of making this AOTD list.