Teen Crashes SUV Because Idiot Friend Set His Armpit Hair On Fire

Illustration for article titled Teen Crashes SUV Because Idiot Friend Set His Armpit Hair On Fire

There's a good lesson here, and it's one far too often neglected in driver's ed programs: if you don't want to crash, be sure not to set fire to the driver's armpit hair. I know you're thinking "it's just an armpit fire— what's the big deal?" but the truth is it can seriously impair driving, like it did for some young morons in Boise.


The driver was 18, and while said to be speeding and driving erratically prior to the crash, was managing to keep the Ford Bronco on the road, thanks in part to his pair of non-flaming armpits. That driving advantage was taken away from him when his 16 year-old passenger had the fantastic idea of setting the driver's pit hair on fire.

Who knows why he set the armpit hair on fire — maybe they'd run out of incense? Maybe he felt his older friend's underarm hygiene wasn't up to par, and a carefully controlled burn would be just the thing? Or maybe the boy, like some other disturbed individuals, just wanted to see the whole pit burn. I'm not sure there ever will be a satisfactory answer to this question.

The result, of course, was that the driver, smoke presumably billowing out of a shirt sleeve or tank-top under -strap, freaked out and lost control of the car, rolling it and ending up on the side of the road. There were two teen girls in the back, no doubt impressed by the 16 year old's witty and erudite armpit-flambé bit, and no one was wearing seat belts, because, of course.

Luckily, no one was really hurt despite the two girls being flung from the Bronco, and I imagine the driver's armpit doesn't feel so great.

So, here's the lesson: I know it's hard. I know those armpits are tempting little pockets of fur just begging for a good burn-down. But don't. Don't set fire to any armpits (or crotches, for that matter) of anyone driving a car.

Save that for passengers only.


(thanks, David!)



Heh heh. The article was written by a guy named TORCHinsky.