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Someone Stole Miley Cyrus' Maserati Quattroporte

Illustration for article titled Someone Stole Miley Cyrus Maserati Quattroporte

Some people broke into Miley Cyrus' house and stole a bunch of things and also a Maserati, according to TMZ. Oh, the horror! Oh, the shame!


And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Note: this public domain photo is not an actual photograph of Miley Cyrus' Maserati. The TMZ story said it was white, not blue. I just grabbed the first photo I could find that we could use and that would fit in our picture size format. I really couldn't be bothered to spend any more time on it than that. Sorry, Miley fans. You're going to have to do a lot more than steal some new-ish Maserati to impress me. Maybe if she had a Maserati Tipo 61 "Birdcage," that would be a pretty neat heist story. Also, it would really add a lot of depth to the character she's playing. I mean, what with the racism and the twerking and the droogs, then you throw in that she's a Maserati Tipo 61 Birdcage owner? Now that's style and class. She'd basically be a new Steve McQueen, and he never had a Birdcage.


But if she does already have a Birdcage, and maybe she does, I don't know, I haven't really asked her lately, please don't steal it. Stolen cars tend to get all manner of screwed up, and a Birdcage really is just too pretty to have any harm to come to it. Seriously, check out this photo of a Birdcage. All that blue and white paint? Mmmmmm. Yeah. That's nice.

Don't steal Maseratis.

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I bet the Maserati ran away from home. I don't blame it........I'd run too.