Remember this day, everyone. This is the day they came for our WETFARTs, and we did nothing. Today is the day that freedom died, in a moist burst, one last, damp eruption from our nation’s beautiful rectum of freedom. Yes, the state of California has recalled the legally-issued license plate that reads WETFART, and inside, we all die a little.
We were alerted to this shattering of justice, via, like all important news nowadays, via this tweet:
That tweet is actually a Matruska doll of social media, being a screenshot of another user’s Instagram account, which is a picture of a physical letter sent by the California DMV. That user, thisismyaccountyay, seems to be the owner of the license plate in question, and it also seems that the letter was received sometime around August of last year. So I guess this really isn’t the day freedom died, as it’s been dead for a few months already.
The plate in the picture was legal until at least April of 2017, if freedom had remained unchecked. For whatever reason, the California DMV has reconsidered issuing the WETFART plate, and is recalling it, stating that
“It has come to our attention that the personalized plate “WETFART” is assigned to your 2010 Mercedes Benz. The configuration “WETFART” could be considered offensive to good taste and decency and may be misleading to some of our citizens.”
That “may be misleading to some of our citizens.” part is interesting, because it perhaps implies that a California citizen confronted the car’s owner, demanded to see a sample of the advertised wet farts, and was only able to discover farts that were as bone-dry as the Mojave desert.
“Where’s the wetness?” I imagine the irate citizen demanding, banging on the roof of the white Benz. “This parched, arid flatus is the exact opposite of what your license tag clearly suggests! Expect to hear from the good people of the California Department of Motor Vehicles, you charlatan!”
I hope the person with these plates gets a chance to defend themselves. “Offensive?” they’d argue, “Offensive to whom? What sort of person finds the beautiful, life-affirming act of a hot, unexpected spray of moist wastes, ejected suddenly and with characteristic raspberry-fanfare from a human anus, offensive? I defy you to find a person who does not associate the act of a wet, sloppy fart with unbridled joy!”
Our hearts go out to Ryan R, the semi-anonymous Mercedes owner and (likely) former holder of the WETFART licence plate. Perhaps the owner was just trying to convey how We TFA RT (we think fast, always, [in] real time) or something?
Keep fighting the fight; WETFART will be our rallying cry for freedom.