Someone Get This Poor Bastard A Wagon

Photo: Matthew Zelie
Photo: Matthew Zelie

Everyone is worried about our next president’s positions on military spending, climate change and taxes. But what are they going to do about our Wagon Problem? I mean, just look at this poor bastard in North Carolina, who was forced to build his own because his country couldn’t provide him with the vehicle he deserves. This must stop.

This drought of wagons is a major issue in the U.S., with the segment making up just 1.1 percent of U.S. sales according to Automotive News. With nowhere to turn, a poor, helpless soul from North Carolina took his beige Toyota Camry (complete with Camry dent), and butchered it into wagonhood with a wooden rear door and cloth top.

All this person was asking for was just a few extra cubic feet of space above the trunk; that’s it! Can we not come together as a nation, reach across the aisle, and grant our citizens just a little bit of extra room to put all of their Chinese consumer goods?

Illustration for article titled Someone Get This Poor Bastard A Wagon

After all, America is the land of excess; we have multiple stores—Costco, Sams Club, etc.—that let us buy things in crates bigger than houses in some countries. And yet, our cars don’t have room for all that Go-Gurt and Cap’n Crunch.

Meanwhile, across the pond, the Redcoats are doing it right. Just look at all the room in the “boot” of that Toyota Avensis wagon in the picture above.

Sure, America’s got trucks and SUVs, but those are inefficient and unwieldy. We need to bring back the wagons, so our citizens won’t have to mutilate their poor, innocent beige sedans.


h/t: Matthew Zelie

Sr. Tech Editor, Jalopnik. Owner of far too many Jeeps (Including a Jeep Comanche). Follow my instagram (@davidntracy). Always interested in hearing from engineers—email me.

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Perhaps he’s just part of another one of those weird hipster type sub-cultures that live on the road in literally any car but a van/truck/camper