Someone Buy This, the Best Chevy Venture in the Known Universe

A Chevy Venture is, let’s face it, a deeply, deeply boring car. But, speaking of facing things, consider this: maybe it’s a fantastic car, if only the front end were replaced with a gigantic, snarling face? Didn’t think of that, did you? Well, someone did, and then got their Snarlventure repo’d, which means this masterpiece can be yours. Hot damn.

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The current bid is only $100! You’d be a fool not to bid on this thing! Also, this may have the most inadequate “General Description” section of any ad I’ve ever seen:

General Description: Has custom built hood-shows wear, engine does not turn over”

Uh, that’s a little more than a “custom built hood.” That’s a whole goddamn crazy face someone has laboriously sculpted for the front of the car. It reminds me a bit of the sort of faces Flavor Flav used to make. It’s sort of agressive, but also sort of unhinged, maybe even a little playful, in a drunken loon sort of way. And it’s on the front of a Chevy Goddamn Venture minivan.

Just think about what owning and driving this car would mean for your life. No day would be boring, ever again. Imagine your reaction if you were, say, talking to your lawyer or gastroenterologist or accountant and walked with them to their car, which was this. How would you feel? Complicated, I bet!

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Imagine showing up for a blind date in this thing? Or even just picking your kid up from school? This car makes every single mundane trip a freaking adventure.

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It’s like a rolling double-take generator. This thing has power, real power, and I just hope it’s snatched up by someone who will use it for good, and not evil.

Also, it’s our own David Tracy’s birthday today, and it’s in Michigan, like him, and he absolutely needs more ridiculous cars for his yard.

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Just saying.

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About the author

Jason Torchinsky

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)