Sick Rad Hearse Donuts Are The Way To Go

GIF via HE4R5E

If Porsche surprises me with the revival of the 944 during auto show season and I die of shock, here’s what you should do with my body: donuts!

Hearses—especially ones from the extra-baroque heyday of broughams—are already sub-zero on my own personal Cool Wall. Fortunately, two hearse drivers at Frozen Dead Guy Days (an actual small-town celebration in Colorado) figured out a way to make hearses even cooler by drag racing them in the parking lot before heading out on the parade.

You can’t have a race without a donut afterwards, either. The newer Fleetwood-based hearse is clearly faster, but the older Caddy wins on style points.

Is there any better tribute to a dearly departed hoon than kicking up a big rooster tail of dirt with the hearse? Probably not.

I’m especially fond of this video taken at a classic car show, though. Just goin’ out for a rip in the hearse, no big deal.


How “drift my body” doesn’t end up in more wills, I’ll never know. Clearly, there are stylish rear-wheel drive vehicles out there up to the task.

Moderator, OppositeLock. Former Staff Writer, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.

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I love me some hearses.

I had one in the same body style as the older one here ... mine was a silver 1986 with the conversion done by Eureka.

It was a damn fine car for $1,500, but it was just fun besides. Upon buying it, I drove from Dallas (where I bought it) to Houston and the hole in the exhaust nearly asphyxiated me. Took it to Meineke, and the shop techs made the sign of the cross and refused to work on it ... The manager did the job. Anyway, that’s when I knew I had a cool car. My adventures included taking the car on two 1,000 miles camping road trips with my two dogs (the back was converted to wall to wall carpeting for them and my gear). Meet some awesome people, including a priest in my grandma’s home town that insisted on telling me exactly how to design a tear drop trailer for it.

I drove it everyday to work (university at the time), and most of that time I had an prop arm out the rear side door and a prop leg out the back door.

But ... nobody would ride in it. Drove for two years, and only my brother and wife would ride with me. It’s just a car ... I mean nobody died IN it.

Anyway, it had to be sold before I wanted to sell it. Local idiot vandals throwing beer bottles at it because at 23-ft long, it wouln’t fit in my garage or any storage shed nearby.

I still miss that car more than 10 years later.