GIF via Porsche

ATTENTION PORSCHE OWNERS—how dare you imagine for even a moment the precision engineering of a Porsche product was imperfect. Your complaints about brake squeal are invalid. You should know brake squeal is actually good. Since you do not, Porsche has prepared a video to educate you so that you stop calling.

The only squealing Porsche did not intend on producing was the squeal of complaints about its squeaky brakes (apparently), as the automaker felt the need to prepare a four minute video, which Automobile Mag highlighted, on the science and engineering behind its brakes. The video explains why, sometimes, the brakes might squeak.

The video elaborates on the effect that is essentially tiny vibrations caused by the friction of the brake rotor and brake pad making contact. Variations in temperature, speed, humidity and corrosion could all cause some unintended noise, but are not usually serious issues.

It’s not ridiculous for somebody to assume that their brakes are not supposed to amplify a horrible screeching noise. The noise is typically associated with brakes that are at the end of their padding, or some other issue, like rotor warping or what have you. For Porsche, the noise is actually a feature, baby.

See, silly, that horrible noise just means your Porsche is doing work, like keeping you alive. The vehicle has been engineered to perfection; it is the endlessly variable conditions of life that are imperfect, and according to Porsche, the real issue here.