When you put a classified ad in a magazine or on Craigslist you open yourself up to both helpful people and opportunistic scammers that claim they're millionaire reverends with long lost Porsche engines. This is the correct way to give those scammers more than a taste of their own medicine.
Spike Feresten — a friend of Jalopnik,judge for the second annual Jalopnik Film Festival, and host of Car Matchmaker on Esquire — recently placed an ad in Porsche Panorama magazine, looking for the original engine to his 1958 Porsche Speedster. Panorama is the go-to place in the Porsche community and a great place to start off a search for a long lost part.
Apparently, email scammers also think that people placing ads in Panorama are gullible morons with more money than brains. They didn't realize they were messing with a quick witted comedy writer, and Spike took this email exchange to a hilarious degree. Here's the entire exchange, republished from Spike.
Take a lesson, kids:
Spike: SEEKING 1958 PORSCHE SPEEDSTER ENGINE #67379
Response from Alan Peevler: hi i still have one, in pretty good condition, email me if your still interested
S: Hi Alan, thanks for the email. Are saying you have speedster engine 67379? Because that would be amazing. Can you take a photo of the engine # and send it to me?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: here it is, bought it not quite long ago, forget about the body because it has been bashed beyond repair by my first son driving lesson, still in the hospital now, that why i want to sell it instead of body work. i took. the shot when it was bought newly for inspection. What do you have for it?
(PEEVLER SENDS RANDOM PORSCHE MOTOR PICS FROM EBAY) I NOW REALIZE I AM INTERACTING WITH A GRIFTER AND DECIDE TO WASTE HIS TIME FOR AS MANY DAYS AS POSSIBLE.)
S: I don't understand. Where is the photo of the engine #?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: Hey Mr, i cant lie to you and besides I am a Reverend, to my best of Knowledge as the owner of the automobile that is exactly engine #67379. you can return it after i have shipped it to you if you found out that am not telling the truth and get your money refunded immediately, because i recieve money through Paypal only to protect our transaction. Many thanks.
S: Of course. I totally and completely trust you reverend. Apologies. How much are you asking for the engine? And where are you located?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: God bless you for respecting God,
All am asking is $1,650 including shipping because the engine is still in perfect condition. Am in Ashburn Virginia
S: What a lucky break. I have a friend in Reston Virginia who could comeinspect the motor. Would that be possible? It's funny Peevler is like Porsche. Same amount of letters. Have you ever considered removing the Porsche emblem and putting a Peevler emblem on your cars?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: I don't think that will be possible because me and my family are having a difficult time now, my son is still in comma in the hospital as a result of the car crash. So send me your complete shipping address and cell phone number with a passport, so that i can give you my money gram or Paypal address.
S: I am so sorry to hear about your son's comma. I just pray his condition doesn't worsen and he slips into an exclamation point or even worse, a semi-colon. Can I pay you in Canadian dollars or do you only accept Virginia Dinars? Praise God, me
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: Thanks for your understanding, You can pay with Canadian dollars. Western union address. Receivers name: LOIS LITTLE
OR PAYPAL ADDRESS : [REDACTED]. If you are using western union the name i used is my church Treasurer or Deaconess. while the PAYPAL address is mine. many thanks and God bless
Rev. Alan Peevler.
(AFTER THIS EMAIL, I SEND HIM .03 CANADIAN CENTS VIA PAYPAL)
S: Dearest Reverend, I just sent you $1650 Canadian dollars. I feel bad about the unfavorable exchange rate so i also included an extra $500 to help cure your son of the horrible grammar accident that has befallen him. Give my best to your deaconess, Lois Little. She sounds like a salt of the earth. I don't suppose you have a photo of her topless?? If so, please send. One with Jesus, Ben Kingsley
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: hy, the money at my end is not up to the amount we agreed on. The money is $0.03 CAD, what is your end now?
S: Not possible. I sent many thousands of Canadian dollars. Can you call ebay to clear up this confusion? Can you put the engine in the mailbox today?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: i am serious seller. Let me know when you get the situation sort out at your end. Rev. Alan.
S: I apologize. Sometimes I consider myself a comedian and was trying to be funny. Please forgive me. I really really want my engine back.
What is the next step?
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: To err is human to forgive is divine,
You have already being told what to do. Pay and get back your engine before i change my mind because my head Quarters has sent me more than enough money to threat my son.
S: Thank you, Alan. Will you resend wiring instructions and total, please?
(I ATTACH THE LEMON PARTY JPEG OF AN OLD MAN GAY THREESOME)
REV. ALAN PEEVLER: Receivers name: LOIS LITTLE
ADDRESS: [REDACTED] $1,650 (NO MENTION OF PHOTO!!)
S: Hi Alan. I hope Monday finds you well. Unfortunately, my 356 Porsche is no more. A gang of street thugs, Norwegians actually, hijacked the car last night and tossed it into the LA river. I will no longer need your engine. Now for the good news, my friend is also looking for a Porsche 356 motor 67379. Is it ok if I give him your email address? I am certain he will buy your motor regardless of its actual existence.
Have you ever considered writing a book about the little things in life that bother you? You could call it, MY PET PEEVLERS by Alan Peevler.
Your racked lamb of god, sf
I AM AWAITING HIS RESPONSE.....
That is the way to do it.
UPDATE: Spike had his $0.03 CAD returned this morning with the following note
Message from alan peevler:
This payment was denied because I do not accept payments in this currency. the little boy is a scammer
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.