Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Get ready for the final race of the 2009 season, taking place in two weeks at chilly Thunderhill Raceway! More cars than ever before, and the most staggeringly wrong collection of vehicles ever seen on the same track.

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Ah, the Arse Freeze! Who could forget the incredible end-over-end Datsun B210 flip at the 2007 race? Or the upside-down '66 Plymouth Belvedere at last year's race? This year's race takes place a month earlier than its predecessors, so perhaps we'll get pleasant, sunny weather instead of the customary freezing winds and stinging horizontal rain.

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Not only do we get to see how the most complicated motor vehicle that $245 will buy performs on a race track, the freaks at Evil Genius Racing have converted it into a 928 Shooting Brake! Here's a photo shot at a track day on Thursday, showing the rear body structure; by race day it will be covered with sheet metal.

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

The 928SB did pretty well on its first visit to a race track. Well, it did puke all its transmission fluid on the track after 4.3 laps (precisely the number predicted by LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman) and the chopped springs turned out to be a bad idea, but after some tinkering it managed to run a very impressive 2:14 lap time... with a certain Über Spec Miata God behind the wheel. Go here for some in-car video.

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Then we've got the F-ING Renault Fromage1 Racing Team and their Renault Alliance. Words cannot adequately describe how much everyone at LeMons HQ has yearned for a Renault in a LeMons race, and now it's really going to happen! The brilliant theme speaks for itself, and the team captain happens to be Phil Frank, CCO of a company known for slightly pricier vehicles (Mr. Frank wants us to know that his employer is neither funding or condoning the team's efforts, but we suspect that stance will change if the Alliance takes the win). Will this Car Of The Year-winning Franco-Kenosha machine be able to withstand the overpowering EMP shock waves emanating from the Porsche's absurdly complicated electrical system? But wait, there's more!

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

You know what endurance road racing has been missing all these years? Jeep Cherokees duking it out with RX-7s and E30s! Some people- bad people- will try to tell you that a Cherokee doesn't belong on a demanding track such as Thunderhill, but Petty Cash Racing disagrees. Will the Cherokee be able to use that AMC inline six power to beat its natural rival, the Mysteries Inc Voyager Turbo minivan?

Illustration for article titled Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

How about a Daihatsu Charade endurance racer? Yes, my neighbors with the '69 Morris Traveller have formed Team Dai Hard, and they'll be relying on that legendary Daihatsu racing heritage to carry them to victory.

We'll also have a Malaise Era Datsun 200SX, an air-cooled Beetle, a Mitsubishi Starion, Ford Capri, a '97 Nissan Maxima, and an alleged '95 Mercedes-Benz S Class. Not enough for you? The spectacle of the Magna V65-powered Honda Z600 taking on the Arse Freeze-winning Geo Metro Gnome (now upgraded with rear-wheel drive and a Honda CBR1000RR engine) ought to be worth the price of admission alone. In order to fit all 160 cars, the race will be using the full course at Thunderhill this time. That's right, you heard me right- the entire course, with all its hills and challenging turns! It'll be utter madness! So, here's the official team list as of a few days ago; last-second changes always happen, so be ready for surprises:


Unsafe at Any Speed, 1965 Chevrolet Corvair
Faster Farms II: Non Rotisserie Chickens, 1966 Plymouth Belvedere
Size Does Matter, 1967 Plymouth Fury III
Purple Lemon Racing, 1969 Volkswagen Beetle
Ecurie Ecrappe Autodenta, 1971 Alfa Romeo Spider
Angry Hamster Racing, 1971 Honda Z600
Family Truckster, 1972 Ford Pinto Wagon
The Big EASY, 1973 Porsche 914
Starsky and the Bandit, 1974 Ford Capri
Team California Mille #2, 1976 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Autobahn Society Racing, 1976 BMW 2002
Team Hurling Moss, 1976 BMW 2002
Frak This Racing/ Lime Tigers, 1976 Datsun 280Z
Wedginator iii, 1976 Triumph TR7
Skid Row Racing, 1977 Chevrolet Camaro
Motoring J Style, 1977 Datsun
Killer Bees, 1977 MG MGB
Blood Drive/Arcane Racing, 1978 BMW 530i
Team California Mille, 1979 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Squadra Volante, 1979 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GTV
Rooster Juice Racing, 1979 Porsche 924
Italian Stallions aka "The Fiat", 1980 Fiat X1/9
Pearl Harbor Racing, 1981 Datsun 200sx
Unknown Fluids, 1982 BMW 633CSi
Hit & Run, 1983 BMW 320i
The Sharks, 1983 BMW 528e
Group of Foolz, 1983 BMW 533i
team power, 1983 BMW 633csi
Rice Rocket Racing (the sequel) or RQubed, 1983 Datsun Nissan 280ZX
Leftover Parts Racing, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Punk Racing, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Rockin Rollers, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Team Barbie, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Junk Yard Kats, 1983 Nissan 280 ZX Turbo
The Black Flags, 1983 Toyota Celica Supra
Bunny With A Pancake On Its Head, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit
Chim Chim Racing, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit
Team InternationOLVO (aka Damn Foreigners), 1983 Volvo 240 Turbo
Team Cant Am, 1983 Volvo 242T
TSP - Drivers In Training, 1984 Honda Civic
Team Ken, 1984 Mazda Rx7
A+ Trailor Trash, 1984 Mazda RX-7
Hit & Run II, 1984 Mitsubishi Starion
Members Only, 1984 Porsche 928
Fish out of Water, 1984 Porsche 944
F-ING Renault Fromage1 Racing Team, 1984 Renault Alliance
ZZ Uber Das Driver: Uncle Uber is Back!, 1984 Volkswagen GTI
Mustard Yellow Volvo Doing 45 in the Fast Lane, 1984 Volvo 244
Bernal Dads Racing, 1984 Volvo 245
Bavarian Beer Wagon, 1985 BMW 325e
Wienerschmoker II: Electric Boogaloo, 1985 BMW 325e
Huey Newis and the Lose, 1985 Ford Mustang
Carpet Pissers, 1985 Honda CRX
Mazdarachis, 1985 Mazda RX7
Stars & Stripes Racing, 1985 Mazda RX-7
Sin City SCAR Wars, 1985 Pontiac Fiero
Snowspeeder Pilots Association, 1985 Toyota MR2
B-Team, 1986 BMW 325e
Formula BMW, 1986 BMW 325E
Barbarian Motorworks, 1986 BMW 325es
Faulknor Auto Racing Team (FART), 1986 BMW 535i
Festiva Royale, 1986 Ford Kia Festiva Pride
XDOG's, 1986 Honda CRX
1320 Turners, 1986 Nissan 300ZX
Clunkers Refuge Racing, 1986 Nissan 300ZX
Project FATE, 1986 Nissan 300zx
Planet Hell Racing, 1986 Porsche 944
The Faustest Team, 1986 BMW 325
Red Rocket Racing, 1986 Toyota Celica GT
Knights of the round track, 1986 Toyota MR2
Nerd Herd, 1986 Toyota MR2
The Flakes, 1986 Volvo 244
Driving For Donations!, 1987 Acura Legend Coupe
Absolute Lemon Motorsports, 1987 BMW 325
E=MC HAMMERED, 1987 BMW 325e
Flamin' Rods, 1987 BMW 325is
Caffeine Unlimited, 1987 BMW E30
Tercelators' Totally Bitchen Camaro, 1987 Chevrolet Camaro
ONSET/TWTM2, 1987 Chevrolet Cavalier Wagon
Rockerz in Dockerz, 1987 Ford Mustang
Uber Vogel: Hans-Am, 1987 Mercedes 190E
Old Fast Auto Race Team and Sons, 1987 Porsche 924S
Mark's Wife Won't Let Him Drive, 1987 Porsche 944
The Cannonball Bandits, 1987 Toyota Corolla FX-16
Lil Smokey and the Bandit Racing, 1987 Toyota MR2
LowerGearEpisode2, 1988 BMW 325
A Lemon Entry, 1988 Ford Escort
Magnum P.O.S., 1988 Honda CRX
Cajun Coonasses dba Speed Racer, 1988 Honda Prelude
Hatfieldís and McCoy's, 1988 Nissan 300zx
The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, 1988 Peugeot 505 Turbo S
Dudes of Hazard, 1988 Toyota Celica
Free Range Racing, 1988 Toyota MR2
Yushin Maru Racing, 1988 Toyota Supra
Rubber Chicken Piccata Racing, 1988 Volvo GLE740
I Wanna Roc, 1989 Chevrolet Camaro
Team Dai Hard, 1989 Daihatsu Charade CLS
Clueless Party Vikings Vintage Racers, 1989 Ford Mustang
THUNDER RACERS, 1989 Ford Mustang
An Inconvenient Car, 1989 Ford Taurus SHO
Deepest Valley Racing, 1989 GMC Caprice
HomeTown Buffet / WOO WOOO!, 1989 Isuzu I-Mark RS
Team Petty Cash, 1989 Jeep Cherokee
Mysteries Inc. Racing, 1989 Plymouth Voyager Turbo
Team Red Beer, 1989 Toyota Camry
4 R's (aka 501k), 1989 Volkswagen Jetta
Runs like a Raped Ape, 1990 Acura Integra
Automatica, 1990 BMW 325i
Pandamonium Racing, 1990 BMW 325i
Team Pyrite, 1990 Eagle Talon
Guud Humor Racing, 1990 Ford Ranger Extended Cab
Las Vegas Magic, 1990 Honda CRX
Fast Times @ Placer High, 1990 Mazda Miata
San Jose Scalawags, 1990 Mazda Mx 5
Heisenberg Racing, 1991 BMW 318
POS Delivery, 1991 BMW 325i
Redneck Racing Team(RRT), 1991 Cadillac Eldorado
Blanco Basura Racing, 1991 Honda Prelude
NYPD ITB, 1991 Mazda 323
Zoom-Zoom... BOOM, 1991 Mazda 323
FartRari Racing, 1991 Mazda Miata
The channel 4 news team, 1991 Nissan 240sx
1UP Mother Cluckers - Well Connected Nissan Freaks, 1991 Nissan Sentra
Lipstick on a Pig, 1991 Nissan Sentra
Kamikaze Ninjas with Lasers, 1991 Nissan Sentra SE-R
Gift With Purchase, 1992 BMW 325is
Carpocalypse NOW!, 1992 Eagle Talon TSI AWD
Geo Metro-Gnome 2.0, 1992 Geo Metro
Death Race 2000: Frankenstein's REVENGE!, 1992 Mazda MX-6
Chicken Licken -Reburned, 1992 Nissan Stanza
REDNECK RACERS, 1993 Acura Integra
Beaver Domination, 1993 Honda Civic
Socialist Dogsledders, 1993 Honda Civic Type
Eyesore Racing, 1993 Mazda Miata
Badagascar, 1994 Acura Integra
Dust n Debris, 1994 Dodge Shadow
Bachelor Boys & The Lost One, 1994 Honda Civic
Magnum pig, 1994 Toyota Celica
Audi in Wonderland, 1995 Audi 90
Team King Crab, 1995 BMW 325i
PIT CREW REVENGE, 1995 Honda Civic
Diplomatic Immunity, 1995 Mercedes S Class
Los Cerdos Voladores, 1995 Plymouth Neon
$14 The Hard Way, 1995 Volkswagen Golf GL
Gimp Pimp, 1996 Cadillac STS
reversed darwinism II: brute force and ignorance, 1997 Ford Crown Victoria
U.S. BureauCRAP, 1997 Nissan Maxima
Frozen Assets, 1997 Plymouth Neon
sierra auto recycling, 2000 Ford Crown Victoria
Save The Whale, 2000 Ford Crown Victoria
Filthy Faux Ford GT40, 2001 Ford Escort ZX2
Team Lightning McQueen, 2004 Pontiac Sunfire
DC&H Taxi Co
Team Apathy: Blown Seal Racing
Snobs on the Dole
Team Red Bear

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`



That Alliance looks pretty sweet, or as sweet as any Alliance can be. I remember the GTA versions being pretty astounding handlers, so this should be interesting. #24hoursoflemonsthunderhill