Please Stop Me From Buying This Giant Pink Dump Truck

Illustration for article titled Please Stop Me From Buying This Giant Pink Dump Truck
Truck YeahThe trucks are good!

Every fiber of my being is compelling me to buy this giant pink dump truck I found on Craigslist for five grand and, please, I can’t afford to make this mistake.

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Illustration for article titled Please Stop Me From Buying This Giant Pink Dump Truck

Look, I have a wonderful living situation right now. I have a car. I have a parking garage. I have reasonable rent for my income and a manageable set of responsibilities.

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What I do not need is a medium-duty GMC 7000 diesel dump truck, in perfect 1980s/early ‘90s squareness, complete with air brakes.

Illustration for article titled Please Stop Me From Buying This Giant Pink Dump Truck

The seller in the Hudson Valley advertises that it “holds 7-8 yards” and that it has “minimal use last few years, off road use only around farm.” The significance of the truck’s six is not immediately clear.

Illustration for article titled Please Stop Me From Buying This Giant Pink Dump Truck
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Where would I keep this dump truck? Where would I find sufficient things to fill up the 7-8 available yards? What would I dump?

My life would not be the same. Please remind me that the change would not be for the better. Please. I am happy now. Buy it so I don’t have to.

Raphael Orlove is features editor for Jalopnik.

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DISCUSSION

arch-duke-maxyenko
Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire

Raph, you know that you want to turn it into a Dakar rally truck.