Please Don't Wear A Thong As A Mask On Planes, You Will Get Kicked Off

If you're into that at home, more power to you, but it's not gonna help against COVID

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Sometimes I think Florida gets a bad rap. After all, it’s got that beautiful turquoise water, those soft white-sand beaches. Surely it can’t be as bad as its Florida Man reputation, right?

Then I see a video on Twitter of a man pretending a bright-red thong counts as a face mask for air travel, and suddenly the reputation makes sense.

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While the executive order requiring masks for travel doesn’t explicitly define which face coverings count, a thong is pretty explicitly designed around the concept of not covering much. Ergo, it won’t be blocking many of those COVID-19-carrying droplets spewing from someone’s face.

Adam Jenne, the passenger with an apparent love for the Victoria’s Secret catalog, claims he was wearing the bright red number as a protest against the mask mandate. He spoke with WSVN Miami, and tried to explain himself:

Jenne said several passengers ended up getting off the plane to support him.

“Thank you to them, because they saw something, an injustice, something that didn’t make sense, and they stood up,” Jenne said.

Jenne received this email from United Airlines saying he is now banned from flights until his case has been reviewed by the passenger incident review committee.

“Your rights end where mine begin. You don’t get to tell me how I conduct myself,” Jenne said.

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The Twitter video does show at least two other passengers removing their masks and leaving the plane in protest. It’s unclear exactly how Jenne thinks the interplay between his rights and others works, since telling someone how to conduct themselves can pretty clearly protect the rights of others, but this guy clearly hasn’t thought that far ahead.

What boggles the mind, however, is why. Does Jenne think this looks cool? No mask at all would probably be a more effective, less muddied protest. Why the thong specifically? Is it a fetish thing? Y’know what, don’t answer that.