Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Yesterday, we had the chance to choose between two potential moonshine runners, with either of which one might keep bread on the table during the coming Financiapocalypse, and the Mercury Maruader beat the BMW 850i like Junior Johnson beat the North Carolina Highway Patrol's '53 Ford Mainlines back in the day. However, some of you- I'm not going to use the word "whiners," though it did occur to me- complained that those two cars didn't rate high enough readings on the Hell-O-Meterā„¢. In other words, Hell isn't hot enough for you! We aim to please here, so let's flood the garage with chlorine triflouride, park some more challenging projects inside, and slam the door on youā€¦ for eternity!

We all thought it was a pretty good score when Seatbelt123 picked up two Alfa Romeo Milanos for his 24 Hours Of LeMons team for just $299. No doubt many an Alfa lover started eyeballing that empty spot in the garage and began a search for similar deals. Guess what? We've found what (at first glance appears to be) an even better Alfa deal, and it will not only fill up your garage but the driveway and maybe front yard as well! Would you believe an '87 Milano, a '78 Alfetta, and a '69 Duetto (go here if the ad disappears) for the incredible price of $750? No, and we didn't, either; of course it's really a classic Craigslist bait-and-switch arrangement hiding a $9,850 price tag. But still, with the economy melting down and the value of project Alfas melting like reserves in a bank run, we're pretty sure the actual selling price will be much, much lower. There is no information about running condition or any problems these cars might have (other than the ominous statement "Needs a little attention" applied to the Alfetta), but you can count on decades months of Alfa torture fun when you take on these projects! Thanks to Narf, BZR, and UDMan for the tip.
You like those Alfa Romeos but the scam-esque nature of the phony price has you refusing to do business with the seller for ethical reasons? We understand. Besides, Italian cars are so obvious, what with all their histrionics and castor-oil-down-the-throat machismo. French cars! That's what you need! In fact, forget about those Renaults and Peugeots and even Simcas and go straight for the clear-quill, 200-proof goods: Citroƫn. Normally, even a pretty rough, hasn't-run-in-years Citroƫn goes for at least two grand, but magical things happen to project-car prices during a Financiapocalypse- how about four 1960-66 Citroƫn ID19s (go here if the ad disappears) for just one thin grand? The seller doesn't bother to provide any real description, other than "Between the 4 there are 3 engines. You could probably make 2 complete cars or make 1 with lots of spare parts," but who cares? You could make one quasi-nice runner with all this stuff and the first-ever 24 Hours Of LeMons Citroƫn with whatever's left over! Please, one of you Oregon readers needs to buy these cars!