Parking With a Gatling Gun

Illustration for article titled Parking With a Gatling Gun

XKCD issue #562 depicts a scene dear to everyone’s heart who has ever witnessed a moron fail egregiously at parking. Let’s advance the idea and move from blowtorches to rotary cannons.

A famous moment in the thawing of relations between the USA and the Soviet Union happened on a summer night in 1974. This was when, during the Apollo-Soyuz Test Project, spaceships from the two countries docked in orbit to allow American and Soviet astro/cosmonauts to reach across the hatch and say hello/здравствуйте. On board the Apollo was Deke Slayton, the last of the Mercury Sevenannounced to the world fifty years ago yesterday—to fly to outer space.

Illustration for article titled Parking With a Gatling Gun

Further collaboration between American and Soviet technology could be employed to combat reckless parking in cities. The Soviets used to make tough, low-maintenance sedans, engineered for the harsh climate—both meteorological and economic—of their country, able to run on bad roads and inferior fuel. A Lada, for instance.


American engineering will be represented by a GAU-8 Avenger seven-barrel Gatling-type rotary cannon, commonly found in A-10 warplanes. The Avenger fires 3,900 depleted uranium slugs every minutes, which should be more than enough to nudge every practicioner of bad parking toward the white parallel lines.

An Avenger mounted on a Lada’s roofrack would be the perfect inner city transporation/weapon system. The cars are inexpensive enough to ease owner’s worries about possible retaliation: you can trade two for an iPhone. And as for the Avenger, let’s just say it will definitely cut it.


Image Credit: XKCD, NASA

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Rob Emslie

Would have been cool if Deke had greeted his Russian counterpart with the angry-end of the GAU-8, you know, as a joke, and an important reminder of who was the boss.