Pam Anderson Forces Russian SUV-maker To Circumcise Whale Penis Leather Interior

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It's Pamela Anderson's fault Russian custom car shop Prombron's backing away from including a whale penis leather interior on its ultimate offering, the $1.5 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition. Help us Stephen Colbert, you're our only hope!


The very Aristotle Onassis-esque interior was planned as the cherry atop the the $1.5 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition, which was ridiculous opulence personified. Amenities which weren't covered in whale penis leather included

  • Ruby Red matte paint
  • Gold-plated bulletproof windows
  • 22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
  • Tungsten exhaust
  • Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
  • White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard
  • Special edition Vertu mobile phone with "alert" button
  • Additional outside kevlar coating
  • Rogue Acoustic Audio System.

Needless to say it was pretty over the top, however because of pressure put on by animal advocacy groups like PETA and apparently a personal email from PETAphile Pamela Anderson, the Dartz boys are stepping back from their whale-penis-leather-loving ways. Instead they'll be putting in "most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality" and saying hello to their "Sea Brothers," we're not kidding. Read the crazy-ass press release.

One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior - PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world's resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

"We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. Our brand was started at 1869 when in Riga was opened Coach Factory or Russo Baltiysky Vagonnij Zavod - PBVZ, and first products was luxury train coaches. At 1907 was made a decision to open Car Department, and at 1909 first car left factory - the name of this car was RussoBalt. This was luxury and sport cars. At 1911 specially for Monaco Rally car got french style name - RussoBaltique. At 1912 factory made world first 4 x 4 wheel drive car, and at 1914 - armored car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!"

Also we make a decision to pay more attention to glass and on our new car model we will use glass which will be made by special technology - from artificial grown chrystals, which will be gold sputerred to cut IR and UV rays, which make driving inconvinient when sun shine.

Best regards,
Leonard F. Yankelovich