We've asked Jeff Archipley, a Gawker community intern, to take a dive into Jalopnik's #offtopic forum and fish out some juicy morsels. He knows nothing about cars. Let's laugh together below. โ€” Ed.

When first given the chance to write this, I wanted to write you guys a story and impress you with my wit, wisdom and creativity. It was going to be a love story about awkward introductions. We were going to find common ground in the shared human experience bad romantic comedies have taught us, and laugh together, cry together, maybe share a sandwich. Feel stuff, while enjoying a (somewhat) relevant #offtopic roundup.

But, I'm not that good. So instead I'll just prove p3rider08 wrong.

Here's what I've learned in #offtopic that has nothing to do with cars:

- Drugs are bad.
- Danica Patrick has secrets.
- I'm jealous of a 16 year old. Again.
- The stages of grief when you realize you're addicted to Jalopnik go: (a) confusion; (b) fear.
- It's important to do your scheduled maintenance.
- Outside does exist. Whether or not it will kill you remains to be seen.
- Economics ain't got nothin' on, well, much of anything.
- Someone should throw a penny in a fountain and wish that throwing pennies in a fountain worked.
- A picture is worth a thousand words. The right video? 22. Organized into a snappy comment about interpretive dance and big hats.


Also, trucks.