New App Innovates New Way For People In SF To Be Dicks Via Parking

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San Francisco is a lovely city, but it's getting a pretty nasty problem with douchebag infestation, and this new app, MonkeyParking, sure as shit isn't helping. Essentially, the app lets you auction off whatever public parking spot you find. You know, just like a real monkey, only more of a greedy asshole.

There's so many problems with this idea, even upon just the tiniest bit of reflection. Can you even, legally, "rent" a publicly-owned land like a parking space? Won't this just make the parking situation worse as greedy or desperate people would just roam around taking all the good spots and holding them until they get the money they want? Can't you assholes just knock it the fuck off and not try to "monetize" everything?

Seriously, I can easily imagine people, tired and frustrated after circling around for 45 minutes looking for a spot, encountering some dipshit sitting in their car and playing on their phone, and wanting to "monetize" their face into the curb. This sort of app seems like the nasty beginning to similar apps for holding hostage park benches or bus seats or even nice plots of shady grass in parks. Hell, maybe soon there will be MonkeyView, where jackasses can stand in front of you, blocking your view of the world, until you decide to "rent" that point in space from them.

I'm hoping this simply won't catch on. It's just a shitty way of making an entire system worse for everyone just to benefit a small number of people who, frankly, suck.