We somehow made it to day two with out getting kicked out of the Frankfurt Motor Show despite what I can only describe as a Lederhosen/Wienerschnitzel incident at the BMW party. Bill Caswell would have been proud. (Bill Caswell probably would have gotten us kicked out had he been there, but that’s another thing entirely).
Moving on! Because you demanded it, and because we had a DSLR full of extra photos, more of the best and worst things at the show.
Worst camouflage paint attempt on an SUV unless you normally go off-roading through an ‘80s lycra factory:
And at a tick under $250,000, the Mercedes G500 4x4 is also one of the most expensive ways to
go offroading pick up your Half Caff Vanilla Soy Chai.
Worst attempt to hide a Gran Turismo Bugatti Vision Race Car:
“I see you!”
Most ridiculously over crowed display stand:
Audi. Must have been all of those free RS3s they were giving away...
Best wagon that we won’t be getting in the US because of the “Americans don’t buy wagons” BS:
Most Jalop car that none of us will ever be able to afford, ever:
Brabus Classic Mercedes MB600 Pullman. For the speed-freak 1960s dictator in your life.
Best Fake Electric Racecar Design from a car company that no one had heard of before (or will ever again):
“Powered by the thunder... or lighting... or whatever.”
Also winners of the most hypnotic grill design from a car company that no one has ever heard of:
Way to come through, Thunder Power!
Most useless modification aimed at changing a Range Rover to a Cadillac Escalade Pickup:
StarTech Range Rover. Actually it was a good attempt, but seriously, WTF.
Best proof that Mansory should not be allowed anywhere near a Rolls-Royce ever again, ever:
Or any Jet Ski apparently:
Arrrghhh! My Eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Least interesting Manufacturer launch show:
BMW, hands down. New 7 series? Okay. X1? Mehhhh. Seriously BMW, bring on the M2! Their press conference was so boring that their own CEO fell asleep in the middle of it.
(Actually I’m really glad that BMW CEO Harald Krueger is okay, that was a bit scary for a second.)
Best attempt to suck up to BMW after making fun of their CEO fainting:
The new beautifully badass BMW M6 GT3.
(Okay, BMW, now will you please put me on the invite list for the M2 launch track day that I just know you’ll be having? I can drive real fast!)
Most Bond Villian-esq VIP shuttle cars:
The dozen strong fleet of black BMW 7 series VIP shuttle cars looked straight out of the next Bond flick. “No, I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.”
Hardest new car to get a people-free picture of:
The Alfa Romeo Giulia. Move, damn you! Move!
Best color coordinated display stand:
Mazda. So much red. They really like that red they have these days.
Least color coordinated display stand:
Alpina. It’s like the blue equivalent of beige.
Display stand most likely to have a starring role in the next Alien movie:
Renault. Don’t know what’s happening here, but I’m not going near it.
Worst new design trend:
Black and Tan (Yellow). Looking at you, Fiat.
and Mansory... again. Just stop. Please.
Best re-brand of an Audi Q7 by a new car company re-launching an old car company:
Borgward BX7. (Or as we called it, “Who?”)
Best appearance by a racecar I passed at the start of the 24 Hours of Nurburgring:
Subaru WRX SP3T. So much want.
Best manufacturer display mimicking the parking lot at an Ibiza nightclub
Opel. “I’m Too Sexy for this Stand. Too Sexy for this Stand. Too Sexy for this Stand.”
Best display to continue to antagonize Michael Ballaban:
Citroen WTCC race car. I haven’t forgotten, Ballaban...
Best display by a manufacturer foreshadowing a future article on Jalopnik:
Lexus GS-F. Stay tuned.
Worst impression of a press room by a major auto show:
The Frankfurt Exhibition Center. Even though the facility is a dozen full buildings and 5 million square feet of exhibition space, the press room was so small that the gathered media spilled out into the hall and worked from makeshift workspaces.
Best of the rest of the random pictures that I couldn’t come up with a pithy award for:
Feel free to make up your own fun captions!