At 4:00 this morning I went deep into my garage-bunker to stare at my glittering jewels, as I do every morning. There they sat, all 9,000 of them, each one of them a nearly perfect jewel of a McLaren 570GT. “Nearly perfect?” you ask. Yes, peasant, nearly perfect. Because while the standard McLaren 570 exhaust is quite sonorous, it is not LOUD. But now, McLaren has given us the LOUD.

“But how much LOUDer?” you ask, and I can joyfully tell you that the new MSO Defined Titanium SuperSports Exhaust is a whole five (count ‘em: 1, 2, 3, 4, FIVE) decibels louder. Just listen:

It helps if you also made your corresponding laptop speakers/headphones five decibels louder than normal, I think.

“Does it make the car any faster?”

McLaren isn’t saying, but when a car is LOUDer, we can almost definitively say it makes you feel faster, and that’s what counts. But it’s not just LOUDer, as this is McLaren. Any cretin can just increase the volume level on a car. The alien-engineers of Woking have gone further:

It’s not just louder, the sound is transformed to a sharper and more characterful note, a striking difference which can be heard both inside the cabin and by the side of the road.

Whilst noticeably enhanced, our engineers have ensured that the sound is not intrusive. Asymmetric balance pipes stabilise the exhaust pulses from each side of the engine, eliminating booming sounds at lower engine speeds so the practicality and everyday usability of your Sports Series is maintained.

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“But is it lighter, at least?”

And you already know the answer is yes, as McLaren hasn’t just made the whole thing out of titanium. It’s removed the muffler boxes and the resonator as well, for a weight savings of 10.6 pounds. See? You were going to go on a diet, and McLaren’s already shed the weight for you.

“Why do you own 9,000 McLaren 570GTs?” you also ask, which I won’t even dignify with a response. What an absurd question.

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“I don’t think McLaren has even made 9,000 570GTs?” you protest, and for which I admonish you for your sad, pitiful mind, closed off to the wonders of the world and also my 9,000 McLaren 570GTs.

My 9,000 McLaren 570GTs, which are now LOUDer.