Photo credit: Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

The world is a scary, divisive place right now, and it can be hard to even carry on a friendly conversation with other Jalops right now. Thankfully, our Onion-scented friends at The Morning Sweat have stumbled upon the one thing that can truly unite us: race cars.


“I just think that race cars have far more in common than divides them,” argues the host. “And we need to work together in order for everyone to go super fast. It all starts with talking about it.”

Preach it, brother.

I realize this is The Onion’s sports show, but there is no better sentiment on God’s green Mountain Dew-liveried earth for Talladega race day than “I want to go fast!”

Whether you’re a fan of NASCAR, Formula One, rally, Barbie Jeep racing or something else entirely, let us all remember to put aside our differences as fans and focus on going really, really, really fast.

You may not be watching cars hit speeds of just under 200 mph at Talladega right now, and that’s okay. If you dig fast cars, we’ve got something in common and that’s simplistic enough to qualify as a take—sort of, somewhere on inoffensive sports television. Let’s come together and rip fat celebratory burnouts like one big happy hooning family.


I raise a shoe to you, Jalops! Go forth, and find the race cars this week.

Contributor, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.

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