Let's All Agree On These Three Things And Never Write About How Car Culture Is Dying Again

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Hooray! The Washington Post ran another story about how car culture is dying, because the big stupid one they wrote last year wasn’t enough, apparently. WaPo isn’t the only outlet to run these car culture pre-obituaries, but it doesn’t matter, because they’re all basically the fucking same.

At least the most recent article “Is the car culture dying?” focused more on the economic conditions that are causing fewer young people to drive, and less on sweeping generalizations that the Millenials are too busy Snapchatting pictures of their genitals wearing funny glasses to be interested in cars. Still, it’s the same stuff we’ve all heard before.


So, with this in mind, let’s just say we all know and agree on these three things and if you’re tempted to write an article about how car culture is dying, check this list. If you’re going to talk in detail about any of these things, slide away from your laptop, have a nice wank to clear your head, and write about something else.

Agreed? Great. Here’s the list:

1. Young people are generally too broke to buy cars. This is especially true with regards to new cars, but for many we’ll say used ones as well.


2. The internet is a thing that exists, and people are able to communicate with other people over it, much like we’ve done with mail and signal flags and telephones and telegraphs, but much, much better. Yes, you can interact with people without driving, and sometimes that makes a lot of sense. Great.

3. Everyone younger than you doesn’t know shit about cars and they’re all too pampered and love their parents too much and something something smartphone apps personalization something when you were young you built a V8 in your shower and put it in an MGA and something something kids today are lazy and too sensitive to drive and no one knows how to drive stick and they’re all so very terrible.


Okay? Everyone cool with this? Are we done here? Can we agree that we get it, and we don’t need to see any more of this tired old bullshit?

Great? Great.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have more stories to write about cars to a huge, enthusiastic, and fascinating audience of millions of dying car enthusiasts.