You whiners who couldn't put a Renault Fuego LeMons team together because you can't tow a car a measly 1,500 miles no longer have any excuses- LeMons is infesting your region next year!

That's right, the property values of Arizona, Colorado, Michigan, Nebraska, Washington DC, Illinois, and Florida will take a bumper-jack-to-kidneys-style beating when the Traveling 24 Hours Of LeMons Circus clanks into town. Not only that, there'll be two Louisiana races, three South Carolina races, and the Nevada race will be a straight 24 hours; and you Barrett-Jackson fans may have noticed that the Arizona race takes place at the same time as the nearby auctions (heh, heh). You Texans will be pleased to learn that Eagle's Canyon Raceway near Dallas will soon be coated in oil, connecting rods, and bumpers, and California LeMons teams will have a chance to show those snobs at Infineon what real terrible racing is all about! Here's the full schedule:

23-24 January: Auction-Weekend Gavel-Trap GP (Phoenix AZ)
Firebird International Raceway, Chandler AZ
"For every auction, there is an equal and opposite reaction."


6-7 February: Southern Discomfort (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Who says it never snows in South Carolina?"

20-21 February: Gator-O-Rama (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Slide into the pond. We dare you."


6-7 March: Sears Pointless (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Come crash where the stars crash."

7 March: Concours d'LeMons Track Tour & Crapcan Fest (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Overlooking the lovely, peaceful cluster-F of Infineon's LeMons race."


17-18 April: American Irony (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"The chickens have come home to rust."

1-2 May: Cain't Git Bayou (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"Get your dash signed by Jürgen Shrimp, lovable mascot of the Louisiana Region Mercedes-Benz Dealers."


8-9 May: Goin' For Broken 24-Hour (Reno NV)
Reno-Fernley Raceway, Fernley NV
"A.K.A '24 Hours of Snake Eyes.'"

29-30 May: LeMons South Spring (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Still-crazy after all these years."


5-6 June: North Dallas Hooptie (Dallas TX)
Eagle's Canyon Raceway, Decatur TX
"Bringing bad driving, terrible cars, and arbitrary rule enforcement to the northern half of Texas."

19-20 June: Capitol Offense (Washington DC)
Summit Point Motorsports Park, Summit Point WV
"From the fine folks who brought you the TARP."


10-11 July: The B.F.E. GP (Denver CO)
High Plains Raceway, Deer Trail CO
"One mile high and 60 miles from anything."

24-25 July: LeMons New England (Providence RI)
Stafford Motor Speedway, Stafford Springs CT
"Official home of the Cranky Yankee."


7-8 August: LeMons Arse-Sweat-Apalooza (San Francisco CA)
Thunderhill Raceway Park, Willows CA
"And you thought winter was bad here."

14 August: Concours d'LeMons (Monterey CA)
Toro Park, Monterey CA
"Where the elite meet to greet cars that excrete."


28-29 August: Mutually Assured Destruction of Omaha (Omaha NE)
Mid-America Motorplex, Pacific Junction IA
"Endurance racing on the world-famous Ømahanebråskarring."

11-12 September: Yee-Haw, It's LeMons Texas (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Watch the crotch-rot and athletes-foot race for your kneecaps."


25-26 September: LeMons South Fall (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Just the tell the missus you're 'hiking the Appalachian Trail.'"

9-10 October: Detroit Bull Oil Grand Prix (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"This close, and Lutz still won't show up."


23-24 October: Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 (Chicago IL)
Autobahn Country Club, Joliet IL
"From the city where 'Whacker' has multiple meanings."

20-21 November: Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"By 'let the crapheaps roll,' we didn't mean 'onto their roofs.'"


4-5 December: LeMons Arse-Freeze-Apalooza (Los Angeles CA)
Buttonwillow Raceway Park, Buttonwillow CA
"Lots of Celebrities, but mostly the upper-case kind."

30-31 December: 24 Horas de Cuba del Norte (Miami FL)
Palm Beach International Raceway, Jupiter FL
"Presented by Havana-Negila™, the original kosher-for-Passover rum."


Image source: Peasant Racing

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