Proving that he's not some one-trick lying pony, Lance Armstrong branched out from his trademark lying about taking performance-enhancing drugs to try lying about hitting some parked cars according to police reports. After a night out in Aspen, Armstrong lost control of his Yukon, hit a couple parked cars, and sent his girlfriend out to take the blame.

Keep it classy, Lance.

The December 28 accident happened after Armstrong and his girlfriend, Anna Hansen, were driving home from an Aspen Art Museum party. Armstrong, who may have had a bit to drink (at least according to Hansen's falsified report about why she was driving), lost control of the SUV on the icy road.

After Armstrong hit the parked cars, he sent his girlfriend out, in the crappy weather, in heels, to do a little bit of acting to set up the scene. As one of the owners (well, renter, in this case) of the cars hit told the police,

"She said, `I'm Anna, we're the Armstrongs, my husband's Lance, he was just driving maybe too fast around the corner or something.'"

Later, under police questioning, Hansen admitted that she took the heat in the hopes that keeping Armstrong's name out of it would prevent any national media attention to her or her family.

Advertisement

Oops.

I have a soft spot for anyone who's routinely referred to as a "disgraced" something, but, damn, Lance, just take the heat for hitting some parked cars. Sure, maybe it'd have been reported, but hitting a couple parked cars on an icy road is a hell of a lot better than doing the same thing and then making your girlfriend take the heat. And making her run around on icy roads in heels, too. Come on, man, you gotta treat your lady better than that.

I wonder what it's like to be Lance Armstrong's girlfriend? I bet I know where every fight ends up.