When I tried out Ford's new tiny 3-cylinder engine, they'd helpfully packaged it into a car. And that car was a very nice, just-refreshed 2015 Fiesta. Until I saw the wheels. Over the honest, pure steel wheels, Ford had slapped some plastic picnic plates meant to look like alloy wheels or something. Aren't we done with that bullshit?

These crappy plastic wheel covers have been around for decades now, and I suppose part of me was just going to hope they disappeared. Sadly, much like that itchy rash on my inner thigh, no amount of ignoring is going to make this go away. This is an issue that final needs to be confronted head-on. Possibly with some sort of anti-fungal cream.


Stupid fake plastic wheel covers need to go already. Does anyone like these things? They age horribly, with only three possible options: being scraped into a mess of fuzzy arcs by curbs, sun-discoloring until they look like four perforated oatmeal cream pies covering your wheels, or just ripping off and ending up on a median or highway shoulder. That's it — there is no good endgame for these crap-discs.

Plus, the fundamental idea they're based on is flawed: steelies need to be hidden. That's bullshit. A good, honest steel wheel is hectares and lightyears better than some stupid injection-molded frisbee that's trying to fool people into thinking its an expensive alloy rim.


Why the steel wheel shame? Steel wheels used to be proudly shown on all sorts of cars! They can be painted to match the body, left a lovely natural steel color, they can be an imposing black, there's so many options. A good steel wheel on an entry-level car isn't some horrible disfigurement you need to hide — it's an honest, noble part of the car, like a pair of strong hands or a bold nose.


This goes for Ford and every manufacturer out there still wasting money stamping out stupid plastic wheel covers: stop. Just stop. Paint those steelies and roll them out with pride. Not every rim needs to be some costly alloy to be beautiful. Get rid of the shame, and start celebrating your inexpensive, hardworking, noble steel wheels.

I'm sure you can sell your remaining inventory as decorative tortilla holders or something.