The New York Auto Show was wonderful this year, with a stunning WRX concept, a controversial new Cadillac, and a stripped-out seven liter Camaro. My joy was overflowing, and I just had to start touching things. Inappropriately.

Things got rude on day two of the auto show, when hunger and tiredness set in full. I started looking at pretty cars with hundreds of horsepower and I just needed to fondle them.

I missed a lot of cars that I really wanted to get my dirty hands on, but if I had more time believe you me I would have humped the shit out of the Subaru concept, the 2014 CTS, the orange McLaren 12C Can-Am (if they'd let me into its little stand), the Corvette Stingray, the Corvair Greenbriar van on display, Jackie Kennedy's classic Mercedes 250SL hiding in the basement, and the stick shift BMW M5.


This kind lady was nice enough to take a picture with me and the XFR-S.

A tender moment with the F-type.


I'm not just into sports cars. I saw this Nissan NV commercial van and I had to touch.

Then I wandered back to the Volvo stand where they had the V60. Oh yes.


I wanted to be inside it.

The Cayman was censoring some not-safe-for-a-family-website activity going on back there.


Me and GT3.


Penetrating the door chasm.

This was a good point to stop.

Photo Credits: Thomas McIntyre Schultz, Alex Kierstein (Nissan NV)/Jalopnik