I was thinking of ways to properly introduce myself here. Do I write an article about a new car? Do I launch my project? News? No, I think I’ll dive right into the deep end by introducing my expansive vehicle fleet.
Hi! I’m Mercedes! If my name sounds familiar, it’s because I’m the Miss Mercedes you’ve been talking to on Oppositelock, Jezebel, and here for many years! I’m here to spread the joy of anything and everything with an engine.
Those of you who know me around here understand that I love the Smart Fortwo. Given that I have four of these cars stashed away in various parking spots dotting northern Illinois, it would be hard for me to deny this. Ever since I saw my first Smart in 2008, I have been head-over-heels in love with the little machines. Fifteen-year-old me couldn’t get enough of the plastic panels, the airy interior, the funky roof options and how Mercedes-Benz somehow wrapped an entire car into a package barely more than eight feet long. The cherry on top was the engine’s placement in the rear, powering the rear wheels. Yes, it’s definitely weird to have a Smart as a dream car, I know.
I’ve loved cars for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I had so many Matchbox, Hotwheels and Maisto cars (somewhere near 5,000) that my parents began disposing of them as I got older. But I wasn’t too upset, as my parents gave me an off-road go-kart to rip around the neighborhood. At first, I would race the other neighborhood kids down the main street of the neighborhood, effectively making it a drag strip. After we pissed off enough parents, we built a dirt track in the woods and took our races there. That kart had only five hard-working ponies on tap, but it most certainly managed to destroy the field in lap times.
Over the next few years I would push that little kart so hard that its engine block split. And perhaps what would be a catalyst for my motorcycle love today, I also got a generic mail-order Chinese electric scooter. That lasted only a couple of months before some unobtainium (for 2003, anyway) part yeeted itself from the scooter, rendering it indefinitely inoperable. But it was there to cement my love of everything with an engine and wheels.
I’m the kind of person who can love any sort of vehicle. Give me any car and I’ll give you at least one redeeming feature about it. Chrysler PT Cruiser? The turbo editions can be a riot. The convertibles are a funky way to take in the sun. Pontiac Aztek? It was an advanced crossover that was ahead of its time. This “rosy shades” approach to cars is generally how I live my life. I love to see what awesome things this world has to offer. I also have a deep love for commercial vehicles, motorcycles, and planes, so I hope at least some of you would love to see some content on those!
So, what does the stable of a madwoman look like? Well, here we go. I’m sorry...well, not really sorry.