Following the recent success of other period-themed automotive exhibitions, notably the 1980s and ’90s car show Radwood, I’ve decided to launch Litwood, a car show celebrating the car culture of the 2000s and 2010s. I am calling dibs on this now. Please prepare accordingly.
We’ll be hosting this on Sunday, June 26 2038. It’ll be held just outside of Even Newer York City at the old abandoned Space Force scrapyard. The location code is Q438Z144. Obviously the location would be on Terra, since transporting all those cars to Musk City on Mars would be nearly impossible.
Speaking of which, you best come correct with the appropriate sheetmetal. We’re big proponents of hero cars—Bumblebee Camaros, Subaru WRX STIs, the taxi from the creatively-named thriller Taxi and of course the Tumbler from the Nolan-era Batman movies are all welcome.
But that isn’t what really moved the people in the first two decades of the millennium. Pre-recession GM cars like the Chevy SSR and Pontiac G8 GXP will bring you back to simpler times of reckless spending, as will the six or so running Audi Allroads left in the world. If that isn’t exciting enough, a dozen or so Volkswagen Phaetons will be towed (or airlifted by drone) to the scene.
So grab your weird retro-styled American cars, your Hummers and your crossover coupes. Load up the Scion xB or grab the keys to your Aztec, we’re expecting all of you there in your best skinny jeans, Converse Chuck IIs, smartwatches, denim ensembles, overalls and frosted tips.
Additionally, trucker hats, popped polo shirts, Livestrong bracelets, white people dreadlocks and shutter shades should be on proud display if you want to look on fleek. Ugg boots are also obvious choices, but try to be a bit more creative.
The event will be sponsored by WalmartTacoBellHuggiesT-Mobile, the best destination for your period-correct clothes and the new Flavor Blasted Doritos Locos Galaxy S39+.
If you want to enter your car, there are obviously some logistical challenges to getting it there, since President Uber outlawed all human driving. Corporations can run for office in the future, you see.
Luckily, one company bravely has stepped in to help move cars since President Uber’s ban: Uber. For only 839 Wu-Tang coin or 134.2k WalmartTacoBellHuggiesT-Mobile Credits, you can get a one-day permit to have your vehicle towed to the site. The per-mile towing rate is 16.78 WTC or 2.684k WTBHTC.
At the event itself, we’ll have all 1,300 Jalopnik blogminers—both the bots and the organic ones—on site to help coordinate the show and post-show concert. Blink 182, who still haven’t stopped touring, are opening the festivities.
More importantly, we’ve managed a special reunion show of Smash Mouth, featuring four members in the flesh. Steve, following his tragic and fatal water-ballooning incident last May, will be there in holographic form.
We’re so excited to get this event off the ground over the coming decades. In the meantime, those searching for a certified-Lit™ way to pass the time can attend Radwood on Sunday, June 24 2018, in San Francisco.