A man who mistakenly left his keys in his car first assumed it was a prank when he found it gone. It wasn’t a prank, it was actually stolen, but the result was way funnier than any prank would have been. That’s because the guy who stole it couldn’t drive stick, and then tried to call a cab. Oh boy.

Boy genius Alexander Katz was the 19-year old mastermind behind the crime, which he committed with a juvenile female passenger. Even better, the female passenger did know how to drive stick, but for some unfathomable reason thought it would be a better idea to try and teach Katz how to drive a manual right then, in a stolen car in broad daylight. Good thinking, passenger!

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After getting frustrated at Katz’ probable many, many stalls and grinding gears, the wonder twins abandoned the car at a grocery store, and called a cab from a nearby convenience store. Police, already alerted to the pair of half-ass auto larcenists by the car’s owner, who saw them lurching around in his car, found the pair waiting for the taxi to arrive.

They then attempted to escape on foot, which I guess didn’t work out so hot, either, mostly because the cab company had all of Katz’ personal information.

There’s so many lessons to take away from this, I think we need a list:

• Try not to leave your keys in your car.

• If you’re going to steal a car, make sure you can drive it.

• Learning to drive a manual transmission is a fantastic idea! Just don’t start on the car you just stole.

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• Juvenile female passengers, listen to me: you can do better. If you can drive stick, step up from that passenger seat! And if the guy you’re with can’t drive stick and looks, well, like that, hold out.

Idiot.


Contact the author at jason@jalopnik.com.