I'd Like To Take A Moment To Thank Coke For All Of My Major Life Events

All photos credit: Clay Taylor Productions (except where noted)
All photos credit: Clay Taylor Productions (except where noted)

#Brands are important. And because sponsors don’t forget about us on a casual Saturday afternoon while we’re sitting in our multi-million-dollar mansions or wrecking our brand-new race cars, we cannot forget about them during all of our major life events. It’s just common courtesy.

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NASCAR’s Kyle Larson reminded me of that rule of thumb this week, when he took a casual break from parenting his 2-day-old newborn to integrate her into a social-media ad wishing Coke—a company, not a person who actually gets self worth from that kind of superficial online well wish—a happy birthday.

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But this post did more than remind me how important #sponsor #loyalty is. It made me realize that I, a terrible person, forgot to wish Coke a happy birthday. That’s a real shame, because Coke has been there for me at all of my major life events. Coke has been the reason for all of my major life events, even. There is no life without sponsors.

Did you know my husband proposed with a Coke? Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, Cokes are! (Even if he couldn’t find a can with my name on it.)

Illustration for article titled Id Like To Take A Moment To Thank Coke For All Of My Major Life Events
Photo: Brian Jones

I continued the theme by making my entire wedding bouquet from Coke. You’ll never believe how much I saved on flowers! Cokes: Affordable and beautiful.

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Illustration for article titled Id Like To Take A Moment To Thank Coke For All Of My Major Life Events

In fact, my whole wedding party was, well, Coke. Who needs friends (or a preacher) when you have Coke, right?

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Illustration for article titled Id Like To Take A Moment To Thank Coke For All Of My Major Life Events

And if they’re Cokes, I’m a Coke.

Illustration for article titled Id Like To Take A Moment To Thank Coke For All Of My Major Life Events
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Just kidding. I haven’t had a soda in years. Did you know it’s basically drinking poison-water?

Staff writer, Jalopnik

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DISCUSSION

Takuro Spirit

Oh. THAT coke.