On Saturday night I was due to be at the Goodwood Festival of Speed Ball. Oh how excited I was! However, by 7:00 pm I was lying flat on a spinal board with women plucking straw and glass from my noon.
For those of you that haven't dated an Essex girl a noon is a more delicate term for bearded clam, cupids cupboard or furry taco.
I obtained a pubic mound that Worzel Gummidge would have been proud of in a Gumpert Apollo after my driver decided to imitate stunt man Terry Grant on Michelins Supercar run by going round Molecombe sideways and at about 85 mph.
I'm not going to beat around the straw bush here, it was a 'Billy' error to make. We went in too fast and lifted a fatal combination on any corner in a RWD car. The result was over $160,000 of damage to the car and red flagging of the event.
Crashing in any car is a scary thing. In a Gumpert its a scary but TOTALLY AWESOME thing. You know how cool you feel when you are sitting in a hypercar and you paste it all over Twitter and the internet and your friends like it and RT it and get all overexcited like you just met the Beatles or something?
Well, when you get to share videos of you being removed from a car worth more than your mates house on a spinal board with around 25 marshals, doctors and nurses around you I can tell you that your status goes full on berserk. Unless you are the driver of course, then the whole thing is probably pretty embarrassing.
I had braced for impact just after the first corner, it just seemed inevitable that we wouldn't make it further than Molecombe.
There are various things I don't remember like removing my helmet and the driver giving it his best to drive the car off but of the one thing I do remember is a desperate and immediate need to wee. For six hours I hung on to that wee. I deserve a medal for that alone.
Whilst I was being pulled out of the Gumpert, Lord March had taken it upon himself to personally look after my six-year-old son who now thinks I am the coolest woman on earth and my husband. So they were getting butler service as I started my journey to the Major Incident Unit at Southampton General.
You'll all be pleased to hear I am not dead. I'm battered and bruised still pulling out splinters of glass and bits of straw from all kinds of embarrassing places but to be fair I've had Friday nights that have resulted in much the same.
The branding on the spoiler of the car was "Go Hard or Go Home." I'll always remember this as "Go Hard Go to Hospital."
Massive thanks to all involved in my rescue and to Samantha Ward and her husband, the owners of the Gumpert, who spent along time trying to track me down to wish me well.
Same time same place next year guys? only this time I'll drive
Nancy Atkinson-Turner is a freelance journalist and owner of the exclusive member's club Macchinca. You can read her blog here and follow her on Twitter here. She is an exceptionally good sport, as well, for agreeing to talk about this.