I Pity the Poor Parents Who Can't Afford the 'Mercedes of Baby Carriages'

All image credits: Mercedes-Benz

Not that I would personally ever do so, but I understand why people reproduce. You, utterly pleased with your genetic makeup, just want another version of you to spend time with. And you buy that little “you” only the best of the best stuff, because they (and by extension, you) are entitled to the best. Like this Mercedes-Benz baby stroller. If you can’t give your child the maximum dynamism possible, why even have kids?

This stroller is called the Avantgarde, and it isn’t actually made by Mercedes-Benz. It’s made by a German stroller company called Hartan. Everything about it is avant garde, too! It has an aluminum frame, air-chamber ties, adjustable suspension and a carriage with a multiple-adjustable swivel function, so the child can face in different directions, watching his or her kingdom languidly roll past.

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For the especially young and tiny humans, an infant carrier can be mounted on the frame. It’s light and easily removable, leaving you, the proud, trendy parent always at the ready to move from one hip location to another. It’s never too early to set your baby up with a SoulCycle membership, I always say!

This could be you!!!

The cherry on top, of course, are the wheels that the Avantgarde comes with. I’ll just let Mercedes itself say it:

The iconic feature on the Mercedes-Benz baby carriage Avantgarde is the eye-catching rim in the same sporty black-silver-coloured 5-twin-spoke AMG design which is also available on the new C-Class.

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Imagine the horror of rolling up to the Whole Foods with plain and regular wheels on your stroller! Imagine the shame! Do you want your kid to grow up thinking that his or her parents utterly failed at providing for them? No? Then you need the fucking Mercedes wheels.

Mercedes didn’t list a price on its website for the Avantgarde, but one listed here on this Russian site comes to 82,400 руб, or about $1,300.

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For you, the young and ambitious urban professional, this is pocket change. You’ll shell this out without even thinking about it, right after you sign the newborn up for nutrition coaching and the Korean sign language immersion preschool.

The spaces for the Harvard Class of 2041 are already filling up fast. You gotta stay competitive.

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About the author

Kristen Lee

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.