I Have A Lexus Yacht And You Don’t, You Poors

Hello, poors. It’s me again, the wealthier and more successful version of you.

How are things for the normal Nine To Six-ers? The kids liking school? You know what—never mind—don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. The answers would just depress me. I also don’t really care.


Since you asked, I’m doing great. The investments are growing nicely. Portfolio’s looking great. I just got a tune-up for the McLaren MSO Carbon Series LT. It shines like the unblemished potential of my future.

Oh! And I also got a new yacht. What? No, I’m totally keeping the first one, I just wanted, you know, another one. A Lexus one. And nobody else has this one either because it’s just a concept. Nobody else will have one, in fact, because it’s a bespoke one off. They call it the Lexus Sport Yacht concept.

It has not one, but two 5.0-liter Lexus V8s from the Lexus GS F, bringing the yacht’s total power output to 885 horsepower.

Here, let me show you some pictures.


This is my central command center. From here I’ll navigate the smooth waters of life. Nothing will ever be choppy.


You can see the inside here. I was really in an ivory-slate-cream phase when I came up with this. I think the color scheme is a pretty classic one.


Some doodles from a lovely afternoon at a coffeeshop in Nice.


Here I am. Do you like my red skirt? I like my red skirt. I told him to wear his boat shoes. Also, notice the two jumper seats attached to my central throne. Those are for my guests.


Okay okay, final photo! I let him drive it for a little bit. I think he had fun. All the bow of the boat (the “fronty bit” for you) is is an extension of you, anyways. Remember that. And by you I mean me, your better.

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About the author

Kristen Lee

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.