On Sunday, The Wall Street Journal reported that Elon Musk, the CEO of Tesla and the world’s richest man, had an affair with Google cofounder Sergey Brin’s wife. He then told the world he hasn’t had sex in “ages.” In other news, Tesla got another subpoena from the SEC over tweets he sent in 2018 about taking the company private. I guess we have to keep talking about all of this.
Let’s talk about the subpoena first, then we can get into Elon’s sex life. *shudders* According to Reuters, the company received another subpoena for Musk’s 2018 tweets on June 13th, with the company saying it will cooperate with the government authorities. Last November, the SEC initially sent a subpoena to Tesla in regards to a settlement Musk reached requiring his tweets to be vetted if they contained material information about Tesla. It came days after Musk asked his Twitter followers if he should sell 10 percent of his stake in Tesla to cover tax bills on stock options.
In June, Musk appealed a judge’s refusal to end this 2018 agreement. That request came just two days after the second subpoena was sent. The CEO had said “funding secured” Tweet about taking Tesla private was truthful. This is all very exhausting.
As for the other – much grosser – news: Musk is dismissing claims he had an affair with Sergey Brin’s wife, Nicole Shanahan. The Journal says the alleged affair was the reason Brin and Shanahan filed for divorce earlier this year, and it’s the reason the friendship between Musk and Brin has reportedly ended. The outlet also reports that the affair was “brief” and took place in late 2021.
The WSJ’s story also includes this indelible image:
The liaison with Mr. Musk took place in early December 2021, at the Art Basel event in Miami, those people said. Art Basel is a multiday, annual festival that draws wealthy attendees from around the world.
At a party earlier this year, Mr. Musk dropped to one knee in front of Mr. Brin and apologized profusely for the transgression, begging for forgiveness, according to people with knowledge of the incident.
Mr. Brin acknowledged the apology, but still isn’t speaking regularly to Mr. Musk, those people said.
In a series of tweets – because he’s Elon – Musk said he’d barely seen Shanahan in the past few years.
He also took the time to dunk on his own sex life.
If you have time, please read the replies. They are worth their weight in gold. Be warned: they are really gross. Elon isn’t gonna fuck you, guys. He just isn’t, no matter how much you’d like it to happen, not because he doesn’t want to, apparently, but because he isn’t fucking anyone right now.
If the world really is ending, I need it to happen sooner. This is all just too much to deal with on a Monday morning. This isn’t what we need right now. It just isn’t.