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How To Make A Single-Vehicle Car Crash: A Recipe

Illustration for article titled How To Make A Single-Vehicle Car Crash: A Recipe

The best part about owning a driver's car is that you can play out your race car hero fantasies. The worst part about owning a driver's car is that you can play out your race car hero fantasies. Confused? Here, just follow this simple recipe.


Reader waymoe shared this recipe when we saw Klic sadly skid off the road playing rally driver in his Subaru.

1xPublic road


3xFalse Confidence

1xCar unable to perform as anticipated

20 years of watching Motorsports to "get it"

Mix the inexperience, confidence and Motorsports watching in a large bowl, preferably with a wooden spoon so you can lick some of that sweet sweet ignorance off later. Set the road and vehicle to the side. When mixed, place bowl in front of computer and stream 100 hours or so of Ken Block, street racing, and rally compilation videos. When mixture begins to rise steadily drip in enthusiastic encouragement gathered from strangers with limited to zero experience on the subject. It's at this point that the mixture should begin to take shape. When the mixture is done rising and has set, you may place it in the vehicle on the public road and watch as it does stupid dangerous things. Lick spoon eagerly. Internet commenters will verily agree that this is the best thing theyve ever seen and will shower the mixture with encouragement.

Film it, put on youtube, repeat recipe.

Having done this myself at least twice, I can say that my heart goes out to Klic, and to everyone else who's driven their budget hoonmobile off a cliff/through a tree/into a parked Corolla just around the corner from home (sorry mom and dad).


Photo Credit: Nick Trippe (neither Klic or Raphael Orlove is pictured)

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I continue to fail to understand why people do not take their shenanigans to the race track?! It's not cheap, but it beats the hell out of hurting (or worse, killing) others and getting your ass sued.

You're in a controlled environment, and often an instructor who knows what s/he is doing is on deck to show you how to drive fast. Driving fast is not like re-grouting the tile in your bathroom, where you can read a few online forums and get the gist of it. It's an art that requires a lot of practice and a lot of bruised ego before you get this shit down. My tax dollar is wasted on dispatching a truck to tow your sorry ass out of the ravine, possibly having to transport your sorry ass to the hospital, and cops have to show up on scene to report and investigate on your stupidity. Just stop it.