How Jalopnik Are You?


Jalopnik readers live on the automotive fringe, free to indulge our car craziness with like-minded folk. It's a vibrant community. Some people embrace it more than others. Here's a handy guide to help you determine: How Jalopnik Are You?

This guide is rather subjective in a lot of areas, so it's up to you to be honest and decide how much stuff you can take credit for and score points on. You can also add extra categories and give yourself bonus points as long as you can explain it to the commenters' satisfaction. At the end of the day it's all about your mentality, and that's not an easy thing to pin down with a number. It's not necessarily about the destination but rather about enjoying the drive, right?

1: Community
Comment on Jalopnik: 1 point.
Won COTD: 1 point for each COTD. Congratulations.
Gotten a hat tip/photo credit: 1 point for each, limit 5.
Gotten a story written about you on Jalopnik (example): 20 points.
Wrote a guest post for Jalopnik: 15 points.
Participate in the Jalopchat: 1 point.
Are on the Jalopmap: 1 point.
Can explain the CSRSL, JFG, FAF/DAF, PCH: 1 point each.
Have brought new commenters to Jalopnik: 1 point each.


2: Your car(s)
Your score on "How Jalopnik Is Your Car?" score divided by 10. You may add your scores for multiple vehicles.
Own 0 cars: 0 points if you don't have a license yet, -10 if you do. If your car got stolen, you get 10 pity points.
Own 1 car: 10 points if you don't have a license yet, 0 points if you do.
Own 2-3 cars: 10 points.
Own 4+ cars: 30 points.
Less than 50% of your cars run or your car runs less than 50% of the time: 5 points. You either have terrible luck or you enjoy car projects.
Power: the percentage your power has increased since you got the car divided by 10. Live long and prosper, Monster Miatas.
Non-functional modifications: -10 points each. Bolt-on solid hood scoops, suck it.

3: Driving
Learned to drive on an automatic: 0 points.
Learned to drive on a manual: 2 points.
Learned to drive on an unconventional manual (3 on the tree, semi, etc.): 5 points.
Age when you learned to drive: 1 point for each year before you were legally allowed to get your license.
Have taught other people to drive: 1 point each.
Take your car autocrossing: 5 points.
Take your car to the track: 10 points.
Have a track-only car: 20 points.
Have participated in the 24 Hours of LeMons: 25 points.

4: Working on your car
Have all the tools you would need for basic car work: 5 points.
Have a lift in your garage: 50 points. 1000 points if you let me come use it.
Do your own car maintenance: 10 points.
Do your own performance modifications: 20 points.
Do your own repair work or major mods (like non-stock engine swaps): 30 points.
Fabricate your own car parts: 50 points.
Create your own vehicle not starting with an existing car: 500 points. If you are Martin Eberhard, take another 200 points. -500 if you are Elon Musk.


5: Legal issues
Have never gotten pulled over: -5 points. Either you're too new, too boring, or have unfairly good luck.
Have a pulled over to ticket ratio of 10:1 or higher: 10 points. You're good at this.
Have gotten your license suspended: 20 points if you weren't putting anybody else in danger and got a good story out of it.
Have gotten your car impounded: 10 points as long as you were on the scene when it happened. No lame parking stories.
Have attempted to get an automotive law changed: 10 points.
Have actually gotten a car law changed: 50 points.

6: Other stuff
Videos of you exist on Streetfire or YouTube with the tag "idiot" or "moron": -10 points each.
Watch Top Gear: 2 points. If you aren't, there's something wrong with you.
Watch racing on tv or the computer: 1 point per series.
Attend races live: 5 points per series.
Have met Jalopnik editors: 5 points each.
Drive over 20,000 miles per year: 10 points. I hope you're enjoying the driving.
Have spent more than 12 hours a day driving (yes, you personally): 20 points.
Go on drives purely for pleasure: 5 points.


This piece was written and submitted by a Jalopnik reader and may not express views held by Jalopnik or its staff. But maybe they will become our views. It all depends on whether or not this person wins by whit of your eyeballs in our reality show, "Who Wants to be America's Next Top Car Blogger?"

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Fred Smith

94 points!

if I counted seperate championships in the series I follow (grand-am GT, ALMS GTC, etc.) and the five series at my local short track that run every weekend, my score would be elevated to 129.

great article, definitely my favorite of the weekend!