Hope Your Eyeballs Are Lubed Up Because You'll Need To Roll Them At This Lambo Owner's GoFundMe

Illustration for article titled Hope Your Eyeballs Are Lubed Up Because Youll Need To Roll Them At This Lambo Owners GoFundMe
Screenshot: GoFundMe

You know how sometimes it feels good to look at shit on the internet that you know is going to piss you off? We’ve all done it, there’s no shame, at least not from me. If you enjoy this at all, boy to we have a good one for you: this dipshit who blew all his money buying himself a Lamborghini but thinks it’s too slow so he’s asking people to help him raise $100,000 for a big-ass turbo kit. Most incredibly, people have donated.

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Here, I’ll let the guy who set up the GoFundMe explain why you should give him your money in his own words:

“Hey everyone! Just bought a 2015 Lamborghini (my dream car) that completely emptied my bank account. Bad timing 2020 hurt everyone !! it’s been a wild ride of grinding 23 hour day I am asking the community to help support this build. Everyday people ask “why is it so slow” “your Porsche was faster” “When are you doing a turbo” I guess it’s time. I need all the money I can get too UGR my lambo. It can only be done with the support of all of you. If not I’ll probably have to scrap the car because it’s getting gapped left and right. Your donations will turn into great vibes !! I’ll give a ride anytime we are trying to see what the limits of the factory engine !! Saying 1400 whp on factory equipment let’s see how this build goes together !!”

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Well, the dude may be currently broke after blowing between $150,000 to $200,000 or so on his Huracan, but he’s certainly rich in exclamation points, so that’s good.

He’s asking for $100,000 to get an Underground Racing Turbo kit, which are certainly not cheap. The GoFundMe text specifies 1,400 wheel horsepower, which Underground Racing’s website shows as available for a Stage 3 kit, which costs $175,000, installed. Maybe he’s planning on saving some money on the installation?

Also, if this dude is doing this because people are asking him “why is it so slow?” then he should consider doing what I do—driving a car with about 50 HP. Then, it’s very, very clear why the car is so slow, and you can save yourself $175,000 or so.

It’s also kind of amazing that the text suggests that if he doesn’t get the kit installed, he’s just going to have to scrap that anemic 600ish HP Lambo. What other choice is there?

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So far, $1,000 has been raised. I mean, $125 seems to have come from the dude’s wife, or perhaps mom, either option equally baffling, but, then again, every donation here is absolutely baffling.

Why? Why are you giving money to a dude who blew all his cash on a Lambo and now is whining it’s not fast enough? Do you really, really need your donations “turned into great vibes?” The fuck is the matter with these people?

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Who donates to something like this? Who does something like this? Is it a joke? I mean, I’d feel better if it was, but this does seem disturbingly earnest?

I still have enough latent hope in humanity that I really don’t think this will actually get funded. I hope.

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(thanks, Thomas!)

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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