Hillary Clinton, who is a person running for President of These United States, hopped in a van and rode to Iowa just after announcing her candidacy on Sunday. It’s a black GMC van, filled with political soldiers-of-fortune on the run, and the Clinton campaign has given it the only name that clearly fits. Scooby.

We don’t know much about Clinton’s van so far, but here’s what we do know. Courtesy of, oddly enough, People:

• Scooby, a black GMC van, is familiar to residents of Clinton’s New York hometown, Chappaqua. It’s the vehicle she normally uses to get around town.

• Riding along with Clinton are “a couple of staff” as well as her small Secret Service detail.

Intriguing details for sure, but that nickname is throwing us off. “Scooby,” if you remember your late 1960s correctly, was the nickname for Scooby-Doo, a dog. Scooby and his gang (called MS-13 I’m pretty sure) drove all over the world solving mysteries in a van.

That van, painted all blue and green, was called the Mystery Machine.


I get Clinton’s reference to the Mystery Machine, because it is a van, and Hillary is now riding around the Midwest in a van. But the Mystery Machine is clearly not Hillary Clinton’s van. The Mystery Machine is a very specific van, and Hillary’s van is not that van.

Hillary Clinton’s van is a different van. A much, dare I say it, better van. A black van. A GMC van. An ass-kicking van. There are Secret Service guys in it, so there are probably guns in the van, too.

Hillary Clinton’s van can only be one van.

The A-Team van.

We don’t have any actual pictures of Hillary Clinton’s van yet, but along with the image approximation above, we’ve created a video rendition of what her campaign is believed to look like at this very moment:

We’ve renamed Hillary Clinton “Dirk Benedict” for storyline purposes. Huma Abedin is “B.A. Baracus.”


As you can clearly see, Clinton’s van is much, much closer to the A-Team than it is to Scooby-Doo.

Now I’m not one to immediately jump into the horse-race politics game, but this is An Injustice That Cannot Stand. Everything about this is wrong. I understand if, in an effort to seem like a real person, Ms. Clinton wants to name her van. Who doesn’t want to name their van and sell their gun to the highest bidder? We all do.

But if you’re going to name your van, you need to get the references right.

Photo credit: The Conmunity