If you’re in Virginia, and you’ve been noticing your car is gooped, all gooped up, sticky, dripping with a sappy, goopy substance this spring, don’t worry. It’s just bugs shitting on it. No biggy.
They’re called aphids and they’re going absolutely wild when it comes to shitting on stuff this year.
According to a report from WWBT in Richmond Virginia, cars, houses and sidewalks located beneath trees in Virginia are being positively slathered in a sticky secretion that is euphemistically called “honeydew.” The little green aphids are feeding on new growth in trees and well, you’ve probably intuited what’s happening after that.
It seems like every year around this time, some town somewhere erupts in panic over gooey, sticky cars. Who could forget Winnipeg in 2019? Or Nashville in 2015? Or how about Saskatchewan in 2017. I know you remember what was happening in Tahlequah, Oklahoma that one time.
WWBT interviewed horticulturalist Peggy Singlemann, who said that the problem seems worse this year because there hasn’t been a lot of rain, which usually washes the aphid goop away. Singlemann says that pretty soon, ladybugs and other bugs will start showing up and slaughtering the aphids, bringing their reign of slime to an end until next spring when it’ll happen all over again.
In the meantime, removing the “honeydew” from your car is a major pain in the ass, especially if it’s been allowed to sit for a while. If you find that your car is has been basted in bugshit, wash it ASAP. If it does get baked on, there are a lot of home remedies out there that suggest using things I would be very hesitant to apply to car paint. I’ve reached out to a pro detailer for a recommendation and I’ll update this story when he gets back to me.