Here's the list of things humans are supposed to have sex with: Other humans. It's not a long list. This guy boned a bicycle. I don't know what else to add.
This story, which comes to us from Sweden, is pretty standard, when you think about it. A man is feeling a bit peckish sexually, so he seeks out a bicycle. He then cuts a hole in the tire big enough for his little buddy to fit in when he straddles the bike.
Then he, well, he defiles the bike.
The people who own the bike are actually frustrated about the number of repairs on the bike, not the fact that the bike will now have lurid memories of the man who forced himself on it and rode it in a very different way than was intended.
That poor bicycle. The full video is below for those of you that want to watch it. There is no nudity in the video, but if you want to feel really uncomfortable for a minute, this is the one thing to watch today.
(Hat Tip to Damon!)